ckbailey's profile
AGE:
54
LOC: Austin, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 09
LOC: Austin, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: August 09
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Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
1 Comment
They forgot to give me instructions.
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
About ten-thirty the following night, the Goth Sloth made her entrance. That’s what I think of her as, anyway. It’s my own private nickname for her, not that I’d ever say it out loud within her earshot. I have these little pet names for a lot of my regulars. Like the ancient little gnome who comes in once a week for the latest issue of Weekly World News and a small bag of peanuts (which he promptly dumps into his bottle of Dr. Pepper while still standing at the counter), I call him Woody Wood...
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Version 2
1 Review
1 Comment
INESCAPABLE GOAT It begins late at night, as you’re preparing for bed: you take one last peek through the curtains, and see, in the gauzy golden teepee of streetlight, standing in the skewed puddle of its shadow, a lone goat. Its coat dingy white, stained with large, amorphous spots of brownish-gray and almost-black. Jaws describe asymmetric half circles as it chews, chew, chews. But what is it doing there? What is it chewing? Above its raggedy swaying goatee, flashes of blood red and silver...
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Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
WINGS OF POLISHED CHROME Gettin’ fed up with the whispers in the air duct I can never quite make out a single word they say I’m either wired or so tired that I just can’t wake up The medication made me groggy so I flushed it away When my angel comes to save me With her blazing sword and wings of polished chrome All these demons that enslave me Will be vanquished & I’ll soar to Heaven’s dome Gettin’ ready for a battle that will settle something: Where the one world ends and the other starts De...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
HONEY Every time I try to leave this room Smell of fresh sex & stale perfume I feel like I’m wading through honey I’ve been walking through this mall all day Broke & tired, no reason to stay But when I try to leave It’s like I’m wading through honey Television, what a crashing bore Something’s going on outside my door But when I go to check it out It’s like I’m gazing through honey & when I try to walk away It’s like I’m wading through honey Every day I try to go someplace Maybe meet someone,...
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Reviews
pretty sweet take on the old waking-up-to-the-find-everyone-else-dead device. i think it might work better if there was just a little more build-up to the surprise. you could add a little more detail(i.e., fragmented memories of last night, flesh out the girlfriend & his relationship w/ her) and still have a compact flash fiction piece. the sentrence that begins "a slight bit more clearly" needs some work. i think you meant to say "thinking a bit more clearly" or "a bit more clear". with a li...
it sounds like this poem is trying to deal with some heavy personal events &/or issues, but the way it's executed somehow trivializes everything. it is possible to be "poetic" without being hopelessly vague. & it may be "a little complicated to understand", but if you're not making an effort to be understood, what's the point of a.)writing it & b.)posting it for critique?
i like what this poem expresses about the issues involved(especially at the end). my only criticism is that if you're going for the free-verse, not-rhyming thing, you might want to restructure it so that you don't have three lines in a row that rhyme("right/hindsight/fight"); it's like the poem slipped back into conventional structure before you caught it and went back to free verse.
although i don't know what's happened previously in this story, this snippet gives me enough information that i can follow what's going on. the characters and setting are evoked effectively; i can picture the who and what well enough. there are only a couple of technical problems i noticed: page 1, line 5: "sent" should be "spent" and on page 4, there are a couple of sentences you missed when changing Lugi's POV from 1st to 3rd person: "What was I going to tell my Brickmaster? She must have s...
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