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collegegeek628's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: South Gate, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03
LOC: South Gate, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 03
Hello everyone. My name is Jorge I’m a college student trying to work his way up in the world. A friend recommended this site to me, since I like to write. I probably have 40 poems I have written, where as only 10 I feel are complete. So feel free to say to critique my work and say “Hi” anytime. And if you have a myspace hit me up… but leave a message please (myspace.com/jorgeaa)
Jorge
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If within the journey of life you have not experienced regret, then you have not experienced Life.
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There's No Such Thing As I Can't, There's Only I Won't!
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Words petrified to mind and soul, crushingly and everlastingly engraved in my journey. These are the words that transverse my mind when drumming out that road anew. A considerable amount I was amnesic to, immensely what I hungered to discern. When time claimed its conquest, halting contact from advancing. Dragging as I travel this road anew. Hauling thus I am forced to. Antipathetic to propelling myself. While once again, those words convulse through mind and body. I yearned to be your consor...
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Whatever my life has been or my past have dictated, I am for evermore for reminded of the paths i have walked for althogh there are very few things to which i feel indebted you remind me of the boat that the surf once rocked perhaps in the infinite memory of my soul you remind me of that which i gained and sadly that which I lost though those years seem like a small mole in the infinite treasure of my skin, that's of you what i treasure the most nothing in this life is like yesterday nothing ...
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I close my eyes and get away, Till I can Finally see you looking back at me, With those big, beautiful, blue eyes that fills my empty soul. Feeling your light of love surround me Allowing me to drown in it softly and gently. As I close my eyes I know Im with you, Its your unmistakable presence That laugh that echos from within my being I know youre here again, waiting once more Waiting With me, till the day we can be together again. With me, like I always wanted, Like we always planned. In a...
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I think you have the right idea going. The only problem I had was the flow. The sentence before "Death", kind of slows the flow of the quote. The fact that you are using "That" twice in a sentence is probably the problem. The rest of it is great. you seem to have the ending, you just need to work on your beginning a bit. However, I like the concept and the overall message you are projecting. keep working on it. Good Luck!
Very interesting. When you say "lighter" do you mean in a sense of weight or in a sense of attitude towards life? Thats the only thing I have to think about. Jorge
I can tell you first off that it Emits a strong reaction from the reader. It is a almost unheard of notion to "spite death" and to be honest it gives me a feeling of being very bold, almost on the boundary of madness. Reason being that one wouldn't want to upset death and encourage its rage.
I could see what you are trying to do here. You are trying to show the Absurd notion of free will, when we obviously have no free will when it comes to our thought process and/or impulses. This notion is a good one and I could see where it could be difficult to word it the right way. It reads very easily, but its not impactful YET. I'm sure if you move this quote around change a few words here and there, it will be an extraordinary quote. I love the idea behind it though and it does make one ...
WOW, this quote is awesome. I can see the struggle that this individual has to go through. Struggling to be who he/she wants to be and what some other individual/society whats him/her to be. It is very clear, to the point and impactful Great work!
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