I had to read this a few times to really figure out the flow, but I ended up sort of understanding its logic. "Can I be reborn and go through this differently?" "Probably not, but you need to look at the beauty that's in life anyhow." Did I get it? I like how you use the metaphor of wind and breeze. One small thing in wording that struck me: Bring me back to life In my mother’s womb Where pureness awaits And perfection dwells Maybe: Where purity awaits Perfection dwells. thanks for posting th...

Some places I think this could be worked a little more to refine the wording and make it flow right, such as And we now have the phenomena It’s the blind leading the blind. I think you should talk about that more directly, rather than looking at it from the sidelines. maybe, A glaring phenomena we see The blind leading blind into destiny Base in the motive and bred in hate sin Should be: bred in hate's sin How deep runs the divisions of man among men Maybe would say more this way : Deeply the...

Poigniant words here that made me think of a message from a long lost friend. I think how you switch between people talking is a bit confusing You always limit me I’m boundless don’t you see Humble overseer, Ceaseless hate destroyer -- I assume we are being spoken to by God here.. from your comment then, in the last two verses it seems like the poet is talking again. Inside we are but carbon, We love chips of silicon. At death do we carry on In endless oblivion Other than that little bit of c...

I'm not sure that empty nest means anything in context of this girl being a young woman.. As I wanted you ?? I like the emotion in this poem, it's raw, but I think you could do more with it, it feels very unfinished.

Great lyrics. i really liked your chorus. You've got a really great way of telling a story, and I like the way you continue to develop that through the song. It's a very relatable piece.. I'm sure it bring the listener memories as it did me when I read it. Thanks

too bad i haven't read them in order, but if this were on the shelves I'd give it a read.. i like the intrigue.. waiters being spies and all.

this is funny, ironic and fantastic. The title made me click, the scenario made me wince and the writing style made me laugh. say, dry.. I wasn't sure about the say, stopped me for a second. "dry , as hard as" maybe? some punctuation seems to be missing here. I think, forget it Love the ending -- love the irony. Good job.

Do you want to hear that you're a great writer, or a crazy faithless lunatic..?? Well, you've done a great job in expressing something that's kinda close to my being as well... dissimilar never managed to use that word to describe god, but i love it. So dibs on that this is good writing in my small opinion, and coming from certifiable faithless lunatic, that's probably not much. Think spacing, though.

The staccato of snare snares us The staccato snare catches us ?? I liked the ideas in this poem, being a musician -- words and melody are my language. I think this piece is simple, but it works. A silence astounding, A noise unseen. Perfecting opposition is difficult, but I get your message loud and clear. I enjoyed the read.

The shadows of guilt hunt me everyday, they make me spill all the good within, really good lines. i like them alot. i have trouble figuring on the rhythm you use when i read the first verses, but after the first chorus, the stuff is really rhythmicly neat (apart from the word rebirth) i like some of the visual in your bridge, but i think it still needs a bit of a tune up.