cripplingllama's profile
AGE:
25
LAST LOGIN: April 22
LAST LOGIN: April 22
I’m looking for other serious short story writers to form a small critique group. I have a hard time finding a small group online because I’m not a particular “genre”.
So if you’re genre-less and interested let me know!
Thanks ;)
Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
9 Comments
Not all summer nights in Georgia are hot, but the weather on this particular night implies that tomorrow there will be a welcome summer shower. It is warm and humid, and, by the sounds of the crickets and bullfrogs, I am not the only creature enjoying the evening. After I sip my tea, I lean forward to set the half-full glass down on the grass. To my surprise, the spot on which I have chosen to place my glass was the very same piece of vast earth on which a small garden slug is. One and a half...
Version 1
5 Reviews
8 Comments
I was a lonely child. Typically, most lonely children have no siblings. They are the sole recipients of their parents’ love, attention, adoration, energy, money, and effort. However, I am afflicted with a sister who is seven years older than I, and am constantly reminded of the reason why seven is considered an unlucky number. It wasn’t only the drastic difference in age that caused a rift, but the fact we had different dads. Our mom had divorced her dad before I was born, and I was my dad’s...
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Car Crash Eskimo Orange Juice Tree Kitty Cat Polio Purple Bumblebees Big Cow Hats Freezing Plush Tiles Mop Pie Flats Three Eyed Smiles
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
There was no sense of urgency this time. No need for the flood of waters to try and wash away the guilt. Instead of rushing home to take a shower, she’d lain down on her bed and closed her eyes. Breathing in slowly she could still smell his scent mingling with the stale smoke that clung to her hair. She bent her head slowly against her skin so that the smell would help her remember. She recalled the way they’d first talked for hours, how she poured out her soul, how he called her out on all t...
Version 1
7 Reviews
2 Comments
I was a lonely child. Typically, most lonely children have no siblings. They are the sole recipients of their parents’ love, attention, adoration, energy, money, and effort. Because I am afflicted with a sister who is seven years older than I, I am constantly reminded of the reason why seven is an unlucky number. Our drastic difference in age has caused separation. While I would play Candyland or sing silly songs to myself, she would be yapping on the phone with her closest girlfriend about ...
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Reviews
I like the message in this poem and feel it is clearly stated, but not very concise. I like the imagery in certain places, and in other places it's very confusing. Some references are very obvious and others are too vague for me to understand. In the introduction you say this poem is for children but I don't think that's a very suitable audience due to some of your word choice. The message is powerful so I think you should work to make it very clear without being to obvious and aggressive.
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I like this quote. Then again, I've always been a fan of cynical points of view. It's clear, concise. I like how it flows using experiment and result, as if we were just God's playground.
Interesting concept. I liked the begining but it just got progressively worse because the dialouge was confusing. I'm wondering if english is your first language actually.
Non-fiction
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The Beverage Choice History of Alex Walker or My Unhealthy, Lifelong Obsession with Tea
So good it made me want to go get a cup of tea! Let's start with the title, long, but perfectly fiting. Reminds me of Dr. Strangelove or... Your work mesmerizes me with the simple yet effective descriptions. Also I like how time flows throughout this piece. It was very natural to have you describing childhood expierences and then progress to present day... right up to the having a cup of tea as you were writing it! :) The only thing one might find "wrong" with this is that the paragraph about...
Interesting. I'm not exactly sure if you have an audience in mind with this. It might help give the work a little more direction. It was pretty funny and insightful, peering into a teenage boy's mind before/after having teeth pulled. But there was nothing in this that really stuck out. The grammar and spelling wasn't noticable. The title, while ironic, is distracting since the piece isn't about going to Disneyland, and is long forgotten by the time you get to the last sentance (the punch line...
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