dadevi's profile

dadevi avatar
AGE: 22
LOC: Kingsland, GA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 13

I’ve been writing various things since middle school. Songs, short stories, novels I’ll never finish, reviews, and critques on current events…I do a little bit of everything as well as I can, when I can. I’m mostly looking for honest reviews of my work, and in the future to be published.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Query Letter / Duel
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Sharell Belanfante 114 Pineneedle Circle Kingsland, GA 31548 mayasclaw@writing.com 912-674-1809 Cell 912-510-9372 Home Ms. Susanna Einstein LJK Literary Management, LLC 708 Third Ave, 16th Floor New York, NY 10017 Ms. Einstein, “Duel”(working title) is a ‘sword and sorcery’ fantasy story set in the invented continent of Chiban, a place that closely resembles pre-colonial Africa. The novel is incomplete, but when finished will be approximately 100,000 words long. The tw...
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Query Letter / Acting Principles
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Sharell Belanfante 114 Pineneedle Circle Kingsland, GA 31548 mayasclaw@writing.com 912-674-1809 Cell 912-510-9372 Home Ms. Susanna Einstein LJK Literary Management, LLC 708 Third Ave, 16th Floor New York, NY 10017 Dear Ms. Einstein, “Acting Principles” is a romantic novel set in present day Hollywood. The novel is a work in progress, and will be approximately 150,000 words long. The story is told from the point of view of Gavin Unity, an up and coming actress of African American ...
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Query Letter / Query Letter - Kindred
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
October 18, 2008 Sharell Belanfante 114 Pineneedle Circle Kingsland, GA 31548 mayasclaw@writing.com 912-674-1809 Cell 912-510-9372 Home     Ms. Susanna Einstein LJK Literary Management, LLC 708 Third Ave, 16th Floor New York, NY 10017   Dear Ms. Einstein, “Kindred” is a dark fantasy novel set in the United States and England. The novel is 25% percent complete as of today. Attached is the first chapter. The main character is a naïve, but very intelligent colleg...
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Version 1
31 Reviews   6 Comments
Don't get me wrong. Dreamgirls the musical was one hell of a show back in the eighties. It almost singlehandledly revived the Broadway, won several Tony Awards, and the signature song "And I Am Telling You" still gets regular play by R&B stations. Not to mention the over 1500 performances by the original cast. But enough about the old Dreamgirls. People are talking about the new Dreamgirls movie. The flashier prettier one with Beyonce, Jaimee Foxx, Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson. Not to men...
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Lyrics / Let's Roll
Version 1
2 Reviews   2 Comments
Style: R&B Background Music: Various Strings, Piano Vocal Range:Soprano-Alto Verse 1 I don't want to hear you brag about it Just come if you tearing it up Can I put both hands on it? Smooth stepping yep that's what's up Don't make any plans tonight My place is the only spot Just do what your body says Free loving is what you got Chorus So let's roll Lose control Let's roll Can you Can you feel my heat? This loving you can't beat So let's roll Got me bold Let's roll Can't keep your hands off m...
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Reviews
Poetry / In Deo Speramus
Short, but it gets it's point across. It is disheartening to see people who claim they are worshipping god worship money.
Screenplay / Whispers in the Dark
This screenplay needs lots of work. For one thing, a screenplay is different than writing a short story. For example, phrases like "The old man says..." etc. are unnecesary. I understand you had some formatting problems, but it is important that you fix them if having the best screenplay on urbis is your goal. Reading a screenplay in a poetic format is jarring, in my opinion. The three scenes with the old man, the chained man and the young boy confused the meaning of the last two scenes with ...
Young Adult / Gay toddler
This was both disturbing and hilarious at the same time! I think it's your honesty with your memories that really makes this an enjoyable read. I don't really have any negative to say about this.
This needs proofreading. Besides numerous run-on sentences with commas, you have a tendancy to use "there" instead of "their". Other than proofreadng issues, this tends to be a run of of the mill rant. Nothing really stands out to make this outstanding, in my opinion.
Short Story / Betrayal
This has potential, but this story needs a lot more editing, which should include working on the spacing of your lines and dialouge. I also suggest you further expand on the reason why Sheila chooses Daphne to be kidnapped and murdered. Daphne has the power to mutilate a grown man, but yet she can't somehow find a boyfriend? This doesn't really make sense.
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