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dalost1's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: Lexington Park, MD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 25
LOC: Lexington Park, MD
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 25
32 yr old male, born and raised in Southern Maryland. Write both poetry and fiction. Enjoy role playing, writing, reading, and photography. Tend to read lots of Sci Fi and Fantasy.
A tip from my standpoint on reviews:
- I will almost never rate above a 9. This is not meant as an insult but as a tip that everything can always use a little improvement.
- I tend to write encouragement, my suggested revisions (Because you don’t have to take my suggestions), then more encouragement.
- I find that a review should never discourage or tear a person assunder when you try to help them.
- Any criticism I make of any writing is of the writing, not of the person doing the writing. I have no malice to spread across the world. I want …
(more)Reviews
Oh, this smarts a little. I see why you say it needs work. :> (Darn Loki mind-virus thing.)I can offer a few things here. lind = land? It took me reading this poem a few times to get the proper beat in my head, and even then it seems to change. I'm willing to rate for potential. Perhaps put Loki outside to get us some snow before you come back to this one? :>
Wow! I love the imagery of the dragon fire and the child's dream. Unfortunately, I start to loose the poem after I get past that line. A lack of punctuation and a lack of any form of meter makes this difficult to read to me. The first three lines have a great flow and meter to them. When you start into Trying to catch ideals, the flow goes as choppy as the sea you mention. Now I admit that the author reads a poem differently than anyone else who picks it up. So I may be putting inflections a...
I like your commentary on modern society and their desire for stick figure women. This speaks volumes. My suggestions to improve it: * It seems the first two stanzas start with questions, rather than statements, so would it not be a question mark after nails and tweaking? * Seems most of my comments are going to be about punctuation here, as I am seeing a need for a comma and the end of line six (Second line of the second stanza). It would make the sentence read a little better. * Another com...
This is a good picture poem, painting an image of a tow, of college life. I can almsot see the college being described. My minor suggestions: - You have past tense in the first, six and seventh stanzas but seem to be in present tense through the rest of the poem. It would help the read to narrow it down to either present or past. - The meter, and as such the flow, seems choppy to me. It doesn't seem to run smoothly from line to line. - connected by bridges by roads and tracks Commas in this l...
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