damadelmuerte's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Mount Vernon, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 23
LOC: Mount Vernon, MO
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 23
My name is Alli, I’m a college freshman at Missouri State University, majoring in English ed and minoring in writing. I’m a writer, poet, and musician, the result of my two passions and hobbies. I’ve been writing basically as long as I’ve been talking, hoping for the chance to someday share my voice with the world.
If you’d like to know anything else, feel free to ask.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
*prologue Camden Nyx 1986-2004 aka Talon, 2004* *To some, I have discovered that the night is their only friend. The darkness hides their unwanted flaws and the peaceful serenity acquainted with it gives them the solitude they need. They fear the daytime and the harsh reality it brings because it’s then that they realize how completely different from other people they really are. Only it’s difficult to share similarities with other people when you’re hardly a person yourself. But being born a...
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Version 2
3 Reviews
3 Comments
_You and I, we could seize the world together._ Zac’s voice fluttered through Amaya’s mind, as close as if he had whispered into her ear. She shifted on her feet, balancing upon each one to occupy herself. The tears that clouded her eyes threatened to fall and concentrating on the movement of her feet allowed her to blink them back. The funeral home was awkwardly bright in the afternoon sun. Candles were lined upon shelves against the walls, their flickering flames mixing with the glow of lam...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
8 Comments
_You and I, we could see the world together._ Zac’s voice fluttered through Amaya’s mind, as close as if he had whispered into her ear. She shifted on her feet, balancing upon each one to occupy herself. The tears that clouded her eyes threatened to fall and the movement of her feet allowed her to blink them back. The funeral home was awkwardly bright in the afternoon sun. Candles were lined upon shelves against the walls, their flickering flames mixing with the glow of lamps hanging on the w...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
4 Reviews
7 Comments
2004 Love is poison, an idea proposed by youth that slowly dies within time. All it has given me are memories that can neither fade nor die and the bitter taste of regret as well as the knowledge that comes with realizing and conquering your mistakes. I contemplate this theory while gazing thoughtfully at the hazy reflection of a young girl staring back at me. Her hair is the color of night, sleek and straight, falling just below her shoulders. Her eyes match her hair with only a twinkle of b...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
2004 Love is poison, an idea proposed by youth that slowly dies within time. All it has given me are memories that can neither fade nor die and the bitter taste of regret as well as the knowledge that comes with realizing and conquering your mistakes. I contemplate this theory while gazing thoughtfully at the hazy reflection of a young girl staring back at me. Her hair is the color of night, sleek and straight, falling just below her shoulders. Her eyes match her hair with only a twinkle of b...
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Reviews
This is a good beginning to a story; I would keep it as your first chapter. You have good character development and this helps with the flow of the story. I'd put more of a break between your switch of character perspectives so there's no confusion that you've switched though. I'm also wondering what exactly the first scene offers the story besides a bit of background for the character. Maybe you should incorporate more foreshadowing in this as it seems a bit separated from the entirity of th...
I like the tone your narrator takes in this story. It's very conversational and provides an interesting perspective. It adds character development and I appreciate the background, though some of it seems a bit unbelievable. In present day, would a child really be expelled from a Catholic school? Maybe suspended and sent to a psychologist, but expelled? And would a school really let a couple of children enroll themselves into the facility, especially if they're minors? Also, I'd expand more on...
I don't think it's bad at all; it's quite good in several parts here. I can tell that the second part was written first, as the language is much simpler. It's still a wonderfully creative idea and I think you've done a great job inventing and describing this world. You have great detail and your characters come alive to me. I'm curious to see how these two parts tie into each other. A couple of suggestions: I would foreshadow the creature that grabs West, because when I first began reading th...
Wow, very powerful piece. I definitely wasn't expecting the murder scene and you pulled it off with vivid description and well thought out characterization. Lupe's character is well developed and provides an interesting conflict with whoever she encounters and I enjoyed that concept quite well, a bit of a femme fatal trait. My only concern is that in the first part of the piece, you seem to go overboard on the Spanish, and while I enjoy the cultural references, it seems you don't add enough c...
Interesting piece; you have an original idea for the plot that creates a humorous air of suspense. Patty is very entertaining character and I like the way in which you've developed her, but she almost seems too unbelievable. Her obsession with the internet, I can believe, but the aliens? I can understand the fascinated paranoia, but it almost seems too much. I think if you tone it down just a notch, it wouldn't stand out so much in the story, but perhaps that's the air of humor you're trying ...
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