davet's profile
AGE:
55
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 10
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 10
I’m Dave. I live in the UK, so my spelling may seem quaint to some US reviewers – but, “variety is the spice of life”, they say.
I have read sci-fi and fantasy ever since I can remember, and enjoy the freedom of the genre. Favourite authors range from Azimov to Tolkein, via Brian Aldiss, Arthur C Clarke, Terry Goodkind, Robin Hobb, David Eddings, and lately George RR Martin.
The day job is in IT sales, and I am doing an archaeology degree part-time. I have always wanted to write, and started to write novels over many years. Never finished one, though.
This time I am more determined, and value the comments that I get on here. I have already learned lots, and begun to put much into practice.
I very much appreciate the time and …
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Version 1
2 Reviews
3 Comments
It was all God's fault, really. Jaff said it was my mate Gazza, from the pub, who was to blame, but it wasn't. It was all about when I opened my eyes, and that was down to God. Gazza's been my mate for ages, ever since little school. He's a year older than me and says I need looking after, and he's always up for a laugh. That's why we always got on so well, I think. I'm too serious and quiet, everyone says so. Gazza makes me do stuff I wouldn't usually do. Opens my eyes, he says. When you thi...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
5 Comments
Holman Tollyd was puzzled. He stood in his office gazing blankly out of the large window trying to absorb the news being delivered by his secretary and trying to work out why it all sounded so false. “Mika,” he asked at last, “This murdered man, was he crew or a passenger?” “Ah, well, My Lord, that’s just it. He wasn’t one of the ship’s regular crew, but he wanted passage and the regular First Officer was sick. He was a first class officer, ex-Navy apparently. He wanted to do some trade on hi...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
8 Comments
The wet afternoon was turning into a damp and chill early winter's evening and the darkening streets of Old Karel were thronged. The cobbles and pavements were wet and slippery as Adyan shouldered blindly past the man, barging him away. His mind was in turmoil, replaying the discussion that had just finished, and trying to come to terms with the news he had received. Preoccupied, he failed to register the sharp cry of protest, but was suddenly aware of a hand seizing his cape, pulling him bac...
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Version 2
12 Reviews
4 Comments
Liyen crossed the darkened cloister, glancing up at the clear night sky, then passed through the archway and walked slowly up the stone flagged corridor beyond. She stopped before the door to the Abbess' office and wiped damp palms on her rough, linen habit. Taking a deep breath, she knocked once on the heavy oak door, and then seizing the iron ring she twisted it and walked through. The Abbess was seated behind a cluttered desk. To her left Master Nuntec stood rubbing his hands in the heat o...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
2 Comments
Liyen crossed the darkened cloister, glancing up at the clear night sky, then passed through the archway and walked slowly up the stone flagged corridor beyond. She stopped before the door to the Abbess' office and wiped damp palms on her rough, linen habit. Taking a deep breath, she knocked once on the heavy, oak door and then seizing the iron ring she twisted it and walked through. The Abbess was seated behind a cluttered desk. To her left Master Nuntec stood rubbing his hands in the heat o...
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Reviews
Very confusing at first - lots of disjointed paragraphs that made no apparent sense. Very nearly gave up in disgust, was going to tell you that it simply left me cold. I did perservere, mainly out of a sense of duty, and the ending did tie it together and I did get it - and it was funny and entertaining. But if I'd read it in a magazine then I'd probably not have made it through to the end.
Interesting take on a traditional type of story - kid doesn't want to be like the rest of his family - could be anything, farmers, lawyers, gangsters, soldiers - whatever - there's always family pressure. So how to go about foiling the family, breaking away and being who you are? Avoiding being a monster can provide all sorts of fun. You started off and grabbed interest well,instant clue that sometihning was going to happen - what? Then Nana's claws, sudden discordant note, unexpected and inc...
"making her wake", "Closed her eyes back again". This type of phrase seems to run throughout your writing, and whilst there is nothing really wrong it seems as though you could approach the subject more smoothly and be more economic with words. I feel I am being very picky here, but it's the very first bit of writing we see, so that bit above all else needs polishing. 5 GOLD for a newspaper? OK it's your world, but papers seem like a trivial purchase, and copper more appropriate than gold. Ag...
House stood - window overlooks. Tense agreement. _ I feel like MS Word and don't want to focus on this sort of stuff, but it just distracted me right at the start. Your writing style agrees well with the subject matter, educated and well styled, a little over worked easiness, just like the characters. It fits well. The scene with Marvin begging the dollar and the apple set up a nice undercurrent of unease in this little suburban ghetto. I was beginning to think the dinner party description we...
The first thing that struck me was just a little bit of a jolt in the viewpoint. Right at the start you write: "Lauriana ducked as a branch whizzed by her head and cursed as another scraped her face. Spirit made his way along the narrow path with ease. He didn’t seem to mind branches or the hundreds of cobwebs she repeatedly pulled off her face. It seemed to swap from Lauriana, to the horse and back again - caused really by the short second sentence. That swaps us to the horse viewpoint, then...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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