Might get published, but I doubt it will be mainstream! It was a fun read - I was unsure of the cutting moonbeams, though. That seemed a little purple prosey. The scene with Prota was good, though Melissa seemd to get very turned on very fast,and that didn't quite ring true. The end was great, nice twist.

This reminds me of some of Azimof's short stories - I enjoyed it very much. Tbe critical, which is why I'm here, of course, I did switch off a bit in the middle, when they were creating FOMA. It seemed to be a very hazy section and perhaps, like the after lunch speaker at a convention, you need to have something striking, humerous, or shocking to keep the reader going.

Your world is well created, and consistent. You build a fine sense of desparation / frustration around your protagonist, and The reader is drawn to her in many ways - though at the same time she has the capacity to irritate a little, we get a sense of soemone who has a well of bitterness within her as well as sorrow. "I feel the need to justify both to myself and to you, the reader. I justify to you that I am sound of mind. I am not sound in my heart and soul. " I found this a little clumsy. ...

I'm not sure in what way a writer gives their life, and several thoughts spring to mind, and this reaction is what the the 6 words thing is all about - make the reader consider what you may mean, and discover what s/he feels about the words. The can be read in many ways - the title, of course, helps to focus; which is essential or else the possibilities become overwhelming. Neat and thought provoking - so, target hit!

The title intrigued me - a borrowing from Winston Churchill, perhaps? "I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma; but perhaps there is a key. That key is Russian national interest." Winston Churchill: 1939. I quite like the character in the Kango hat, and admire his cheek. The "charge it to game", comment is what makes me think - and the characters' acceptance of it and their sudden realisation that life is grist to the writers mill ...

The first thing that struck me was just a little bit of a jolt in the viewpoint. Right at the start you write: "Lauriana ducked as a branch whizzed by her head and cursed as another scraped her face. Spirit made his way along the narrow path with ease. He didn’t seem to mind branches or the hundreds of cobwebs she repeatedly pulled off her face. It seemed to swap from Lauriana, to the horse and back again - caused really by the short second sentence. That swaps us to the horse viewpoint, then...

House stood - window overlooks. Tense agreement. _ I feel like MS Word and don't want to focus on this sort of stuff, but it just distracted me right at the start. Your writing style agrees well with the subject matter, educated and well styled, a little over worked easiness, just like the characters. It fits well. The scene with Marvin begging the dollar and the apple set up a nice undercurrent of unease in this little suburban ghetto. I was beginning to think the dinner party description we...

"making her wake", "Closed her eyes back again". This type of phrase seems to run throughout your writing, and whilst there is nothing really wrong it seems as though you could approach the subject more smoothly and be more economic with words. I feel I am being very picky here, but it's the very first bit of writing we see, so that bit above all else needs polishing. 5 GOLD for a newspaper? OK it's your world, but papers seem like a trivial purchase, and copper more appropriate than gold. Ag...

Interesting take on a traditional type of story - kid doesn't want to be like the rest of his family - could be anything, farmers, lawyers, gangsters, soldiers - whatever - there's always family pressure. So how to go about foiling the family, breaking away and being who you are? Avoiding being a monster can provide all sorts of fun. You started off and grabbed interest well,instant clue that sometihning was going to happen - what? Then Nana's claws, sudden discordant note, unexpected and inc...

Very confusing at first - lots of disjointed paragraphs that made no apparent sense. Very nearly gave up in disgust, was going to tell you that it simply left me cold. I did perservere, mainly out of a sense of duty, and the ending did tie it together and I did get it - and it was funny and entertaining. But if I'd read it in a magazine then I'd probably not have made it through to the end.