daveyiluck's profile

I LOVE Tess! dont undertand the point of that but you said to do it. I find this story has to amny sitting scenes. it needs one or two where the carachters walk and talk. you definitly get your point across but at what cost.. the characters to me seemed reallyfake and unbelievable. that is a fix you can make in editing. You definitly have talent though.

the story is a little steriotypical. Both the characters of the grandpa and the son were both lacking in origionality. another thing I notices is your descripting through dialogue would be better suited for a screenplay. If you want to make it a story then I suggest using more descriptions outside of dialouge.

If this is a fanfiction what is it from? as the story goes I would say it was good excpept for the overall Idea you were trying to get across. What was the emotion you wanted the reader to get.