davidblaine's profile

I like what you are implying here. The title is a great help in deciding which way you are leaning with the implications. Isn't it true? In our western world, the only yardstick we have for measuring success is the paycheck. And when publication becomes elusive, we are pretty quick to lower our expectations. I wouldn't change anything, unless my interpretation is all out of whack. Thanks for the chance to read it. Dave

OK, I think you've got a great idea here and I imagine this story is getting read by would be publishers. But the query letter starts with three very long questions in a row and I think that is a big turn off. You don't have to edit it very much at all, just change "What if" to "Imagine" and dump the question marks. Imagine a microbe.... It had remained dormant in.... Samples of this microbe have fallen into.... I know you're close to done with the book, but what surprised me was the way the ...

Truth? Well, subjective truth perhaps. Maybe objective. I gave you a 9 for clarity. This line really grabs my attention. It would be a great opening line for a story. I'm not sure it's a fantastic memoir though. Too much to do with the third person, daddy, and not enough about you. You could focus it a bit more by making the last word about you. Not me. ' The title, a bit profound. Have you considered something else? Childhood Lessons, or Early Lessons? I hope this is of some help, best of lu...