deanimperial has no favorites yet.
deanimperial's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Hoboken, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 06
LOC: Hoboken, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 06
This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.
Items
Version 1
18 Reviews
0 Comments
Regards to The Devil by Dean Imperial The Devil and I are on speaking terms right now. My promotion and vacation and dental benefits were demolished Like one of those Taj-Mahal-like-structures in Las Vegas That go down in one apocolyptic collapse. The dust has settled, now, So The Devil and I are going to sit down and have lunch today And discuss my options. He's picking the restaurant; somewhere in the West Village, not far from his home. The girl I wined, dined, courted, supped, bowed to an...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
15 Reviews
0 Comments
I put the cigarette to my lips; Does it suck out of me? or do i suck out of it? The Mirror told me today that it's time for me to breakout, That the lights are on at The Farm, but all the Chickens, pigs, goats and ponies have run out into the hills; Looking to grab the brass ring out in Hollywoodville. I better run fast if I'm to catch up. The Mirror showed me an abondoned Barn House with the doors left wide open; All that's left is a fireplace with a raging fire, Fueled by hopes, plans, mad ...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
This is a great poem. I love the references to Judy Garland's feet. Very original. It's quite evocative. I wonder if the author has spent considerable time in Hollywood or not, because the feeling is yes. Quite good. My only criticism would be to shorten it a bit. I think there might be a little fat in there and you could take out a bit. Otherwise, nice job!
There is a lot of good stuff here. My only problem is - and I feel this with a lot of poems - there seems to be this adversity to making things clear and instead this need to make things sound "poetic." I have a feeling that you are trying to communicate something very clear and powerful, but there is too much hinting and innuendo. Just say it plainly and let the poetry speak for itself. Getting fancy is important, just make sure the reader doesn't have to feel like they're not getting someth...
This is a very good quote. this would be great line in a play or a movie. Something a son says to a father or a daughter says to her mother. Very, very sharp and good. What are your intentions for it?
I feel strongly that this would work best as a song. I can even hear it. "Yeah's" are good for poetry sometimes, but are mostly good for songs and they are helping me hear the song-like quality in the piece. i don't think a comma is necessary after both of the "so's." Don't worry so much about the punctuation. not that important. I think you should go ahead and work on a chorus and a bridge. It works as a song, but definitely needs more meat. Good work, though. I like it.
Excellent poem. Very chilling, perfect length. Feels very publishable. It just has the feeling of being finished. Great job!
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
