deathspeaker's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Minneapolis, MN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20
LOC: Minneapolis, MN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 20
So I was sitting there, the other day, trying to decide where to place my fate. It is such a fickle thing, fate, that it doesn’t always like to sit where I have sat it. Taking the time to think it over a bit more, I decided to place it in the hands of strangers, hoping they might take well care of it. Perhaps I’m too trusting, like a girl hoping that the young boy she has just laid her lips on won’t shove her out the door. In the end, I’m sure it is well worth the risk, even if I end up where I was before, it has to be better than where I am now.
Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
7 Comments
The Devil’s Apostles Prologue Two bright beams appeared at the edge of Bristle Street as an old Ford pickup truck sputtered and clunked its way down the otherwise silent and dimly lit road. The navy blue paint was chipping and peeling away and the "Prairie's Ridge Farms" logo was fading. Had anyone been awake, they would have noticed the driver, someone who had never been in town before. But as it happened, it was two in the morning, and everyone in the city was asleep. Jamest...
Version 1
11 Reviews
1 Comment
Speak Easy Chapter 1 Joey the Kid Paints the Town Orange My finger trailed down the first column of the "Help Wanted" section in my favorite newspaper, The Isthmus. I had exactly two weeks to find a job before the semester ended and I would be forced to begin paying rent at the small apartment I would be sub-leasing for the summer. I was lucky enough to have a friend, Todd, who was in control of an apartment downtown Madison. I was even more fortunate that he was a fan of traveling ...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Chapter 2 He watched her. Oh, how he watched her. Every fiber of his being craved this little slip of a woman, to add her to the trophy shelf. He could do such nasty things, most assuredly destroying her neat, tidy, and perfectly measured world. He took it all in, the clean and sharp edges of her furniture, seeing every crisp line from the perfect plastic tray upon which he stood, near her front door. He wondered how much it would take for her to snap. One drop of mud? Two? Perhaps a stray ha...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
An amusing story, I suppose. Nice set up, with the expected "unexpected" twist at the end. I felt your dialogue was well done, very nicely thought out and sounded as though we were in the room with them, eavesdropping on the conversation. Check your formatting, kept getting messages uch as "0.0px 0.0px; font: 12.0px Times New Roman; min-height: 15.0px">" in it "white-bricked terraced building" this phrase stumbles a bit too much. As a reader, I shouldn't have to fight to make out the descr...
Repetition abounds!! You use bed in the sentence twice, as well as eyes in the same sentence. Run on sentences!!! "I must have been making a racket, since Ben was shaking me hard and as I opened my eyes I could see the worried look on his face." Read this out loud to yourself. In fact, do it to your whole piece, and pick out moments where yur sentences ramble on too much. Stop the italics after she is done thinking. Yours go on for the rest of the story. "To my horror, I heard" this is too ge...
I will use your questions as a base for my review (and I'm going to try to ignore spelling/grammar because I think others will focus on that too much, and you have other goals in mind. Does it capture attention? -Kind of. You have this in the "romance" category, but you have started it almost as if it were a teen-lit book. While I suppose you could have it be both, I think you should evaluate and make sure you know your target audience. People who read adult romances expect one thing, an thos...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
