Loved it right up to the last line. There is a wonderful feeling of freedom and expansion in all the lines until that moment, and then I get whacked. You have not set this last line up properly. You are waiting to be paid? An emotional payoff? Whatever the meaning, you shut the poem down. Maybe eliminate "for reparation". Or not. It is your poem. But this is my reading. L1 is a clever question, says that you are a poet. L2-L4 then establish your credentials as both an intellect and writer. L5...

I like this. Can I steal it for a line of dialogue? As a quote it is OK but you know quotes need that quality of cementing the memory so this is a trifal too long - but still fun. And an excellent image, which is why its so tempting to put in a characters mouth. Nice one.

This has solid possibilities. You have set up a fine level of sci fi reality and your futuristic nouns sound original. Stormflyer is just plain cool. The focus is tight, without actually stating it you have given a solid image of the mother and daughter looking out the window of an air ship - nice setup. And established both the unknown and initial tension with the Urchins. Well done. I think the opening paragraph would have more impact if you broke it down to a more staccato delivery. Shorte...

You may want to join The Forums. We discuss this all the time, and I'm guessing this is you, icedsaffire. For starters, this is a great beginning and thanks for putting it out there. I have a 90% review rating. It wasn't always that way. I have learned to skip anything I don't like, and only review what I think has potential. I always make sure to compliment something, even if I am handing out some tough love. All of what you say above I agree with. Because I have "creds", I can get away with...

Yeah, I don't get the Dean Koontz reference either. It's a nice little scene. You've got a fine grasp of narrative voice and dialogue, better than most. No real issues with the writing. I forgot to look at your age. If you are in college beware of trying to sound like all the great authors you will be bombarded with. Learn from them, but don’t try to sound like them. You’ve already on your way to your own voice. As a prologue, the piece falls short. By definition a prologue introduces or sets...

So this is a draft. Once could justify the the first few verses as the author building up to the subject but that, for me, is not poetry. Poetry lifts on the first line, stays high or continues to ascend until the last line. In that spirit, dump the neginning and start at L14. Now the poem builds well and lines such as "Each word a battle scar," ring true with emotional impact. Likewise, Strunk the last verse and add the last two lines to the previous verse. A stonger image, and fine emotiona...

Don't know you, but just a suggestion to limit criteria to one or two items. Your first five here are really the same thing, and don't think Urbis is so sophisticated that some kind of report is generated and read by agents. This is a nice piece. I've got a background in theatre and was staging and directing this thing as I read it. Alan Ginsberg used to make great use of his staged readings and they were essentially waht elevated him to popularity. The poems were just OK. Are you anywhere ne...

This would be excellent in an illustrated YA book of poetry. The sentiment is a teaching of awareness, the similes accurate and original. L1&2 are a great hook. Who asks about crows? L14 is a mouthful. You might want to recast “Maybe I was… This is the lesson of self awareness, put out well without the neon signs The last two lines are not as elegant as the rest of the poem. “Long and loud” are not up the same level of diction. I’d keep the conclusion but recast the line. These are hard, grou...

I think not. Ver. 1 was so much more poetic, inviting and closer to a direct experience of the self. This feels like Holiday Inn bought the franchise. Not only that, the moment you yield the power of words to the power of form, as you have done in stepping the lines, you become less of a poet and more of a craftsman. This isn't the first time a revision went south. Off with your head, I say, burn in the fire of peers. I really liked the first version better.

You really only need one criteria, the rest are redundant. If this was fiction it is very good. I was guessing you chose the wrong category. Excellent level of diction throughout, lovely setup and fine emotional payoff. "Bruce is replaced tonight .......until I figure this out." This is an excellent walk into the evening and goes a long way toward establishing trust between reader and narrator. After this paragraph I am willing to walk in the world you have created. "a fan treat to watch stre...