destined2bgreat's profile
AGE:
41
LOC: Killeen, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 01
LOC: Killeen, TX
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 01
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Items
Version 1
29 Reviews
12 Comments
When we first started talking it was innocent enough. I always listened,I never had anything more important or exciting to say, so I didn’t monopolize the conversation. I was never rude by, cutting in, yawning, falling asleep or walking off in the middle of a sentence no matter how long these talks lasted. It was simple, you see, when someone needs a shoulder to cry on or an ear to hear, it can be like an antibiotic to a seething infection. So for this season, I was not only a best friend but...
Version 1
6 Reviews
9 Comments
URBIS is your biz, It's what you do. But there are charlatans that don't really want truthful reviews. They make jokes out of pen wars to hide and distract, sincere pen warriors whom they often attack. Shadowing the write title that needs some luck to get paid, for talents and skills that multitudes display. Practice, practice, practice! Read, read, read! Please don't be disgruntled by less favored critiques. There are millions of readers from different cultural walks, when some don't see you...
Version 3
4 Reviews
1 Comment
He said I was a "disappointment" to him. That stung like a welt, I started to fire Right back with "you're a failure yourself!" But I couldn’t, the word boggled me so. How can that label apply to me? Immediately I accessed my minds view master, quickly clicking through scenes, usually reserved for more pleasant memory matters. Maybe the answer has always dwelled here, cleverly hiding in the shadows of my dark, never cherished fears. Desperately I climbed the walls through the matter, to recal...
Version 3
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Traveling that golden path to the place where angels dwell, reaching a single star over and over again. Camouflage gains easy entrance in to foreign lines, crossed with fear and anticipation. After which, at the eastern star, the capitol to be exact,emerged a transition, which stampeded upon the vows we made. Apparently loneliness was not enough reason to join forces with another southern state. That lone star yet again draws me near, I longed for the angels to sing sweet songs of hope, and g...
Version 3
4 Reviews
4 Comments
As Is There was only one made, there is no salvage yard to replace parts. There are no returns. Priceless does NOT, sum it up! Value is dependent upon the customer’s commitment to excellence. Does not come with a silencer and is not compatible to any either. No warranty, already guaranteed for life. No changes are alterations can be made. Do not remove tag! "I am what I am, and that's all that I am!" -Popeye- Enjoy your new product.
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Reviews
I like the nostalgic feel of this. The poem brings to mind a scene from "interview with a vampire" with one of the ancients and the vampire lestate. Is this what you are going for? If not, try adding another stanza that gives more clarity and cohesiveness to the reader. Great imagery and metaphors.
this writing is impressive, you were effective in using imagery and ryhme together without sounding cheesy or cliche. That takes strong vocabulary skills I encourage you to continue writing poetry you seem to be a natural.
This is a great piece for spoken word. You do a great job ocmmunicating the mood and setting and making this a piece that anyone can relate to. I was even able to see the characters body language and movements. I really like this piece.
Overall I love the direction this piece is going, however I felt let down by the end. You start by building up an expectation and anxiousness. The foreplay is great but then something is missing. Something more to help the reader be there on the deck in autumn.
I love the prelude, it is deep and intriguing, creating an anxiousness to know what is about to unfold. If these were intended for lyrics then I am hoping the recycled piece is less complicated and includes a hook. Every piece of this is deep and mysterious taking the reader on a ride through a very dark tunnel. Yet, it seems that some parts go to another story, therefore some work on making all parts of this more cohesive will fill in any moments of confusion. Then again, maybe that was done...
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