dienomight's profile

The title summarizes the first eight chapters of this story. Here is the ninth and final chapter... He opened his eyes slowly. He could smell that awful smell of burnt hair. The words of his mother pranced around in his head like one big, gay deer, "Ham sandwiches invite the wrath of the lord. Do not eat them."

We'd known for weeks now who the killer was. All the evidence pointed to mary, the millers' prized dairy cow. How exactly the cow had taken residence in New York City, owned five successful restaurants there, and made love to every two dollar whore on broadway was a mystery to us; however, it could only have been mary......As I crept around the barn with my .45 drawn I could see a light in mary's stall. I rushed to the stall, opened it, and opened fire on the defenseless cow. I pumped 17 roun...

so i consider myself to be a pretty model employee; i come to work and do my best. the other day my boss keeps trying to tell me his dream from the night before all the way to the jobsite (we're both roofers). "So it was me, you and george bush, right?" "yeah. you kept trying to interrupt me and george talking and i was getting mad. george said that you were an asshole so we decided to kill you. george grabbed the wheel and i pushed you out onto the highway and watched a semi roll over your h...

if there was another category that could accomodate the legend that is booby, i would put it there. this man is almost too cool to live. the other day i'm walking out of my apartment to go to school and he's passed out right in back of my car so i can't get out. i'm already late so i have this inner dialogue: "goddamn booby. i wish he'd wake up so i could beat this booby down. maybe i can take this booby to a lake and drown him..." all reasonable thoughts at seven in the morning. however, all...