discordia's profile

Overall everything was clear and easy to read, although I had trouble with the last few sentences of the 2nd paragraph. It was a little hard to understand and find its relevance. I could see all of your arguments, and the closing sentence was agreed with the whole. As a smoker (I bet you are too), I think you gave pretty truthful arguments to all the haters of MJ. But since you have a platform to advocate for it, why not add to this part: "Unfortunately, teenagers don’t necessarily know when ...

A nice and clear writing, with an obvious message, but on what authority? At eighteen years one has barely learned to use the mind, how can one leash the mind if one doesn't know how to control it, in whichever way control is seen as.

I enjoyed your poem but Im not sure if I would have understood the meaning if I had not known that it was about lovers separated by time and distance. But knowing that the poem reached out to that universal feeling of waiting for destiny to unwind its course. Everyone can relate to this.

I want more! You definitely kept my attention through out the entire thing. I liked the build up you gave in the beginning and how you casually mentioned Pep's new side job. Everything flowed really nicely. Theres nothing that I could see you needed to change. Haha don't be offended by this but have you ever thought about writing stuff for literotica.com??