divya's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Gainesville, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 11
LOC: Gainesville, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 11
A little obsessive, a little more compulsive, kind of a mess. I’m meticulous, competitive, and full of angst. It’s no wonder i like to write, and rewrite, rephrase, shuffle sentences and mix metaphors. I love transcendentalism, existentialism, and cute little vixens drenched in the hues of the moody blues.
I hate politics and the fact that the only way to counter them is more politics.
I love stories.
Items
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
It seems only a speck from here, H. thought as he peered up at his cabin. I occupy a speck. He watched as a thin trail of smoke from last night’s fire was struck by the dawning sun and as patches of sunlight nested in the crowns of the highest pines. H. stood like a sentinel on a rocky out-cropping that jutted out from the sloping mountain-side, looking out over the alpine canopy and up the path that trickled down in slanted tiers through forest columns and further up to his ram-shackle vist...
Version 23
5 Reviews
1 Comment
As a child, I loved to build drip-castles on the beach below the dunes. I would sit for hours setting wet sand droplets one on top of another, building up a sculpture of compromised structure and grace. Water and Patience are masters of form. Eventually I would look up to find myself enshrined in meticulous candle-wax towers and delicate arches only to have my breath, and my world with it, suddenly swept away by the indiscriminate icy hand of the changing tides. In my fickleness I abandon th...
Version 5
11 Reviews
4 Comments
The view from a boat in the middle of a lake; a sweeping horizon of shoreline. Thoughts ripple outward, touch white sand, linger a moment, and rebound; dull thud on a wooden hull. Clumps of dusty grape clouds topple over the treetops. The sudden rhythm of rustic forest snares rustled by raindrops. Vermilion Maple leaves; slide along silver rivulets, to hover over Heaven's hand-mirror. The Asian-orange sun squatting atop pine spires, stretches shadows that pierce reflections. The boat points s...
Version 2
8 Reviews
2 Comments
“It seems only a speck from here.” H. thought. “I occupy a speck.” He always had the same thought as he stood on the nearly barren rocky precipice halfway down the valley and gazed up at his minute ramshackle of a cabin. Indeed, it was only from here that he could look out from under the towering pines and gaze up through the channel of trees that marked the Southerly path down into the valley. A thin trail of smoke from last night’s fire was caught by the dawning sun and patches of sunlight ...
Version 18
10 Reviews
7 Comments
I walk a midnight curcuit through a neighborhood I don't belong in. I see the ghastly houses of strangers to whom, by day, I smile and chat with. A preacher. A banker. A chef. I had come out for air, for something real, but this is all manicured and veneered and so am I when I'm standing in it. It clings like sand to my bare-feet. It nestles in the deepest recesses where the attack of friction feels all too personal. As a child I loved to build drip-castles on the beach. I would sit for hours...
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Reviews
first of all I like this piece. I had to read it twice to pick up some of these things. Some of them you might be aware of already, but they nagged my eye. "shameless of your covered eyes." maybe try "unashamed of your..." -or- "with shamelessly covered eyes" "Into sands I whisked the graves," this isn't bad. i thought you might place more emphasis on sands by "into (the) sands I whisked graves" a thought... "Secrets hid in mystic ruins" this personifies the secrets, that is they took action....
"Her light still shines. It is a light of gentle easiness." I understand what you mean by this at the second pass, but at first this is awkward for a reader. I think you could make this work with one sentence that reaches clarity by the period. "Things get very literal in the Alzheimer’s world, before they fall apart completely." I like these thoughts, they are a strong point for you. "There is some savant Alzheimer’s like The Card Lady." ?there (are) some savant Alzheimer's (victims) like th...
"to pick up the Kansas City Star, Stone feel the stone’s temperature" tense shift problem. maybe felt? "his TargetTM-bought robe" this is cacophanous "Old Mass Killerman" maybe Miss? if so Old and Miss is a bit of a oxymoron. Where is the plot? all I have is a bunch of description, it's a landscape painting, not a story. Maybe some dialogue would help flesh the character. He is apparently Harvard educated but speaks very colloquially. I would either move further (and confidently) in that dire...
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