dove2010's profile

This was really well written. I couldn't find anything to critique. Your descriptions and grammar were good and your dialog ran smoothly and so did your sentences. I was not expecting the ending at all. I love how you made the reader think Terence is having an affair throughout the whole story and then throw in that surprise ending. It was wonderful and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the good read! Dove

"when monkey do such things"....monkey should be monkeys "He though his eyes must had been playing tricks on him,"....should be He thought his eyes must have been playing tricks on him "Even the raja himself had not being able to laugh"....being should be "been" This is really good! I love fairytales--I've gone so far as to by the Complete Works of the Brothers Grimm and the Complete Works of Hans Christian Anderson--and this is one of the best I've read on this site so far. I feel a bit sorr...

First off, I'm just going to say that I love the picture. Did you draw it yourself? This is a really cute story, I love it! I have a fetish for children's stories--I've even gone so far as to buy the complete works of the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson--and this is really good. It made me a little sad Bacon had to shatter, but I guess it just had to be done. Thanks for the amazing read! Dove

"I've always known I've been different"....would flow better as "I've always known I was different" "moved my"....should be "moved me" This is a good start. It's really piqued my interest and I hope to read more of this soon.

This is a really good! I couldn't find anything to critique. Your grammar is really good and I especially love your images and descriptions. I could picture everything that was happening. I hope to read more from you soon. Good luck on your short story collection!