dpak's profile

dpak avatar
AGE: 53
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 03

I am a writer of thrillers, sci-fi, chick-lit, humour, children’s fiction, true crime and political commentary.

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Journalism / Case Closed
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Case Closed by David Kessler Copyright (c) 2008, David Kessler Colin Stagg spent thirteen months on remand for the murder of Rachel Nickel before the judge threw out much of the so-called evidence. At the time – because of the way the tabloid newspapers behaved – Stagg was believed to be a guilty man who beat the rap. In fact, he was an innocent man who nearly got sent down for murder because of the actions of a devious psychologist, an inept police inspector and a seductive but ...
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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
Dear Ms Einstein, I am a published author of thrillers (four titles by Hodder in the late 1990s), but have for the last few years limited my writing to my spare time, while I concentrated on my industrial parts import business. I have now returned to creative writing and am writing to you now about a thriller for children and young adults that I have written called ETHAN AND THE WEB OF LIES – about a young computer whiz kid who turns detective when his mother is accused of murder. Inspi...
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Query Letter / Missing Evidence
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
Dear Mr Kirshbaum, I am writing to inquire if you would be interested in reading a 107,000 word thriller I have written called MISSING EVIDENCE Set in California, it is about a man on Death Row, who is offered a last-minute reprieve by a lame duck state governor on condition that he reveals where he buried the victim. However, he insists he is innocent and was framed by the "dead" girl herself. In a race against time, his lawyer struggles to unravel the mystery. The book explores th...
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Version 1
11 Reviews   5 Comments
He failed to achieve his potential.
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Opportunities
Version 1
4 Reviews   2 Comments
3 The company sent me First Class on my flight to Singapore, which was extremely comfortable and made me feel awfully important. The truth of the matter is I’m used to travelling business class, which is comfortable enough on short-haul flights. But First was something of a new experience. My seat was in a little booth of its own that opened out into a bed. Then again this was a long-haul flight, so the bed turned out to be really useful. In fact after a double-whisky I cheekily invited a pre...
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Poetry / Joyride
I'd never heard of Langston Hughes until now (I have now started reading up about him), but this poem captures the spirit of simple joy. I also like the rhythm structure, with the last line of each stanza building on its predecessor, thus showing the author's enthusiasm and zest for life. I suppose that the downside is that because it transliterates an ethnic accent ("de town ‘o lights") it maintains a stereotype. But that is the price one pays for authenticity and realism. It is not a poem t...
Flash Fiction / Enwombed II
The strong point here is the biting mockery of American television culture (although "chat show" is what we call them in Britain - I think the Americans cal them "talk shows.") The weak point is that the author's voice appears to share the joke without really sharing it - i.e. the assumption that the humour is shared qua humour. The imagery can be hilarious, but it can also be frightening - and it is not clear what reaction you are hoping for. At times you appear to be playing for laughs (e.g...
Humor/Satire / The Luddite Girls
Locked
Quotes / As I Sense It
Ambiguous, even making allowances for brevity. What is "nature personified"? Human nature? People's nature? Either of those two are clearer than the awkward pair of words you used. Furthermore, if "sensitive senses" is not to be a tautology, it must presumably mean that the senses are more perceptive than normal. But then it is not just personified nature that you would perceive, but also concealed nature.
Poetry / 8 a.m.
I remember the first version and this is definitely an improvement. Love the way you evoke the mood, with feelings of guilt ("and spare us both the awkwardness/ and ethanol excuses") morphing into humour. I assume that the "ethanol excuses" refers to alcohol, and I am still wondering what her "idea" is. But I guess that's part of the fun: the sense of something more that we the voyeuristic reader don't get to see, but can only speculate on. A good light poem with a feelgood ending!
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ITEMS (5)

 

Poetry / 8 a.m.
Poetry / Joyride

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