ITEMS (8)
dpc's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Plantsville, CT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 03
LOC: Plantsville, CT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 03
I have cool handwriting. You should see it.
I’m in high school. I’ll be going to college next year. It would be cool to get published before then…
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Version 1
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Just break my heart. Please. Break my heart. You know You’ve wanted to Break my heart. And I mind no longer, So break my heart. Take it out of my body, Hold it over your head, And smash it on the floor. Break my heart. Watch it shatter into pieces. Watch them go flying About the house. And run away. You wouldn’t want to get caught After you Break my heart. Would you? The house wouldn’t sell, Once people find out that you Broke my heart. So it will stand alone. Until it falls. Because it will ...
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Version 1
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It can sense your thoughts and feelings. It knows your secrets and your desires. It sees through your eyes. It tastes through your lips. Fear burns. It guides you. It directs you. It cares only of you, and hurts only you. Fear burns. It will corrode your life and corrupt your thoughts. It will destroy your beauty and invade your world. It has no sympathy and knows no pain. Stand for you and stamp it out, For fear burns.
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Version 1
3 Reviews
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Dusty pages wait inside tattered books, Hidden upon broken shelves, Unread and untouched for ages. Rain hammers upon the foggy windows As wind shudders the ever-creaking doors, Unopened and untouched for ages. And the unsupported floors, Upon which the library is forgotten, Remains untouched for ages.
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Version 1
2 Reviews
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Crawling through the night, He hears the jungle’s call, Jumping from the cliff, Strong paws break his fall. Entering the forest, He sees a ghastly sight, His eyes are aflame, Staring at snakes in the night. It hisses in anger, Biting at the beast, But the tiger’s to strong, And he kills his feast. He eats in mild content, Blood dripping from his throat, He finishes quickly, And licks red stain from his coat. Moving straight along, He takes rest in a cave, But falls to the man, Who puts him in...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
The blue of the sky Quickly fades away into The blackness of night
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The quote is ok. But, to be honest, I like the description you left for the reviewer much better. And the whole thing can be a quote, just put it in. The quote, itself, is mildly awkward when it stands alone (as far as the metaphor is concerned). How can you sculp a pathway? As I said, the explanation is what makes it work.
I really like the concept here, especially with your "not much time"s in the parenthesis. But there are a few things bugging me. "Times up" in the last line is a little harsh (considering he just died); maybe "out of time" would be better. And, I must admit, I've never been a fan of odd analogies, and I'm not sure the dam one works...but I'm not the one to ask about that (since I'm prejudiced against them, anyway).
Was this supposed to be funny? Because, if not, I'd feel really bad for laughing at it. Let's see...there's a good beginning, describing the chair. There's a good ending, describing the totality of sadness. But the middle is just absurd (yet oddly entertaining); I hope that's what you were going for.
I hope this isn't a serious post; and if it is, I apologize. But there is very little subject matter here, and virtually not subject matter with depth. "I really want one" and "Pour me another beer" just don't scream POETRY to me. Sorry.
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