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dpedrazine's profile
AGE:
44
LOC: San Antonio, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 01
LOC: San Antonio, TX
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 01
San Antonio writer who is currently working two projects. One is The Solomon Chronicles (http://www.solomonchronicles.com)
a historical fiction novel currently under review. The other is the manuscript Bodybag, featured here on Urbis.
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CHAPTER ONE Donald Eddings wanted several things when he returned from his trip to Madrid Spain. He wanted to forget about work for the weekend, relax in his easy chair for at least two full days without being interrupted by questions about programming. He wanted to spend an afternoon with his two children, listen to what they had done while he had been gone. Mostly, he wanted his wife. Her picture occupied his mind to the point of distraction on all his business trips. The thing he did not w...
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FADE IN: Ext. MAY, TEXAS BAPTIST CHURCH GROUNDS – EARLY 1960 - DAY A congregation of 30 Black church members gossip and gawk at little RUDY SIMMONS. Rudy, 6 years old, is dressed in brand new suit. His two front teeth are missing and his top lip is puffy. There is a small hole in his right cheek. Standing next to Rudy is REVEREND SAMUELS, someone Rudy clearly dislikes. The Reverend, dressed in his finest white suit, is a first rate con man and a second rate preacher. Rudy looks away and towar...
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Reviews
A fine piece. This could very well be the beginning of a book/short story. As far as mistakes, I saw none. Keep on writing!
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This is a somber and exciting look at this life of an artist. I sometimes have found myself thinking much like your musician. Give them a name! Some spelling errors you need to correct but great story!
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I think your storyline is good, but you have a lot of spelling issues, ie, then vs. than, words that spellcheck won't catch. Also, some of your paragraphs are too long and you slip in and out of 1st person. Overall, with a 2nd and 3rd review, you should be able to see your minor errors that to an agent/publisher are HUGE.
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