dragonbite's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Buffalo, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 24
LOC: Buffalo, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: July 24
I am a 32 year old male who has been writing for a very long time. I have so much to learn and have an open mind to recieve criticism. My very basic problem has always been with proper sentence structure but I am working on that. When I write I just flow and dont like to stop to correct myself and it often shows in my work until i re-edit it.
I recently gave up working do to a non physical disabiltiy to pursue my writing career. I had went to the University at Buffalo for English and history and now I am going to go for it all and try to become a publish author and screenplay writer. I am living my “beat” generation dream!
I also am a divorced father of two boys and they are my inspiration to succeed in this craft as I want them to b…
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
Oh! You perfect Whore! You Lamentable Beast! Summoned to your feast A guest with your gnashing teeth Beautiful dark eyes full of hate Opening your mouth Your forked tongue falls out Tricking me with desire and lies What should I take from your words Full of twists and turns Perverse in nature you have become Laughing upon my misfortune Taking up against me Pretending to stand with this malcontent A slithering serpent Upon your belly Mocking as I tumble and fall So long have I struggled Wont l...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
16 Reviews
17 Comments
If I could get more feedback, I'd be a rockstar.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
28 Reviews
21 Comments
Kill the ones you love. Devour them and they will be yours forever.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
I try to hold back the anger towards you like pushing back waves in the ocean overflowing emotions breaking the walls I have built flowing into my heart and mind forming fists made lined with silver ready for the fight of my life struggled and fought for so long won and lost many battles your no match for me anymore I rip your heart out tear it from your chest holding it with my white knuckled hands squeezing the black blood over my tongue licking up your salt nothing can stop this rage I hav...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
Working hard School Trying to prove herself Proud Single mother of one Love Waitress every other day Tired Fashionable to the button Poor Strong in heart God Dead at thirty Man Buried six feet under Demise Heaven bound soul Blessed School unfinished Forgotten Dressed formally in black Beautiful Child left behind Tragic
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Reviews
The writing was ok, but what troubled me was the plot itself. I think you might want to work it a bit more so that it becomes more original or more your own. I was able to picture the girl and the movements, but I was also able to predict the story. Again it was not bad at all, I believe that you should try to add some layers to it to make it more interesting. Keep up the good work.
become what you study so that you may understand it all better. interesting. I dare not study you for I keep my arse hair trim. LOL. Funny stuff.
The piece is on its way. In my humble opinion I think in some spots you might want to add a word or to help move it along smoother. Such as lines 2 and 3. I understand them fine, but the way they are wrote makes me stop each time to makes sure I am still on the right track. "Stumble blindly grasping words" Maybe "stumbling blindly, Grasping for words" "Not a sound you make" This just sounds choppy. Again this is just my opinon. I like the poem, just a couple ideas. Good Job.
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