dragonkiller07's profile

dragonkiller07 avatar
AGE: 38
LOC: Moreno Valley, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: January 20

I’ve been working on my novel for over 5 years and I think I’m ready for some peer-opinion.

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Version 3
2 Reviews   0 Comments
The first part of the plan was simple: Calder was to go on to Ciltain and find the local chapter of mages. A mage named Onias would instruct him further. While still wrapped in their “bubble of privacy” they continued outside to the stable. The innkeeper’s curly haired son was saddling Sojourner so Calder had time to ask the mage, “How am I to accomplish this task, Mage Garridor? I have no poison-tipped blade or special powers.” The mage tilted his head far back to gaze up quizzically at the ...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Calder's Pact-Chapter 1
Version 3
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter 1 Clouds like ribbons of white silk set in a sky of blue velvet dominated the countryside of Ciltain. The early spring air still held a hint of winter’s touch though the sun was almost at its peak. It was just warm enough for his brown, shoulder-length hair to stay tied behind his neck. Calder rode at a leisurely pace toward the mountain range that rose from the vast, golden prairie. He thought to make it to a village at the mountain’s base by nightfall. It would be twenty miles of ea...
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Version 2
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The first part of the plan was simple: Calder was to go on to Ciltain and find the local chapter of mages. A mage named Onias would instruct him further. While still wrapped in their “bubble of privacy” they continued outside to the stable. Then innkeeper’s curly haired son was saddling Sojourner so Calder had time to ask the mage, “How am I to accomplish this task, Mage Garridor? I have no poison-tipped blade or special powers.” The mage tilted his head far back to gaze up quizzically at the...
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Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
Chapter 3 Calder awoke groggy as the first rays of dawn came spilling in through a partially opened window. His mouth parted with pasty effort and he recalled with vagueness the prior evening. He had never been drunk before due to his mother’s devout disdain of liquor. Now, with is head beginning to pound, he could see the wisdom in that. With great care he slipped from under the covers, suddenly hot thought the fireplace held only embers. As he willed his feet to move on the polished, wooden...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Calder's Pact-Chapter 2-part 2
Version 2
1 Review   0 Comments
Chapter 2-Part 2 Ten or twelve people were scattered among seven of the eight tables in the bright-lit common room. The people dressed in rough wool were loggers from the nearby woods if the axes by the door were any indication. Possibly a peddler or two on his way to Ciltain. Low murmurs were accompanied by brief looks. Calder noticed the surprising amount of light that came from three small, iron wagon wheels suspended from the fairly low ceiling. The hearth was big enough to fit a large be...
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Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Mercy's Price Chapter 3
This is very good. You've worked out the italics kinks from before. I REALLY want to read the rest of this. I wish I could be more critical, but I can't really see any glaring problems. I read it all the way through and despite missing parts between the prologue and this it was entertaining. Maybe my coffee is kicking in, but I really liked this.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Mercy's Price Prolog
Overall, it kept me reading, so that part of the mission is accomplished. A point or two: hid in a hidden safe? try tucked or placed instead He had the secretary send in the lawyer. His estranged wife is a lawyer? She doesn't seem very lawyer-like. This has potential, but I'd avoid telling us that H'Gan isn't very likable...let the reviewers draw their own conclusions. Other than that, I would actually like to see the rest of this. Keep me posted, if you want.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Prologue
I won't waste all your credits on typos...spellchecker can do that. This has promise. It is a good start. Anjella bearing Demona is poetic and contrasting. With the prince...I like how he thinks he is dreaming. I half-expected him to awaken in a sweat, but you kept going making it more interesting. The shadows coming to life is a nice touch. The contrast of each child being taken from and, conversely, cast away is nice. Is that on purpose or did it naturally go there? All in all I would like ...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Half a Blue Moon
I will ignore the grammar (quotations and line placement) along with misspellings. Doing that made it a great read. I'm confused about how old Winter is, that may help to figure her out. Her back and forth with "him" and "it" is good, but don't overdo it. I'd like to see if you have a new angle on the whole "reluctant vampire" thing. It has an old Twilight Zone feel to it and if you can twist it just right you could launch this idea into a next generation Anne Rice. I think the world is waiti...
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Merocet Chapter 1
This is very good! I found it to be a smooth read...minus some typos, of course. Nothing that marred the reading, though. Mostly apostrophes...such as Gods not God's or Gods' bones....also Alais missed a few here and there. I also appreciate the background in the intro. It is something you'd read on the book jacket. The description of the amulet was perfect...can't wait to find out what kind of metal aetheral is. I look forward to reading further which is an excellent sign for a writer. Keep ...
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