dragonlady791's profile

You have a wonderful writing style and are excellent at the craft. I would suggest rereading this through for yourself because you have a few typos, inconsistencies, and grammar mistakes. The flow is nice, but it is a little confusing. Rotto has this dream in the beginning, which really hooks the reader, but after reading the rest of the piece I thought, "so, what was the point of the dream?" You may want to rethink this, especially when starting a story/novel with a dream sequence is highly ...

Um, okay... Angry much? Good voice and a unique sense of style, but this is not something I would want to read. I had difficulty even finishing it. It's disjointed and rambling and confusing. not to mention negative. Most of us will sympathize with wanting the American Dream, but writing is about pulling us out of that quagmire and letting us escape. All you do is harp. Suggestions: It would be better if you picked ONE thing and go through the issues you have with that one thing rather than r...

Beautiful. You have excellent flow and keep the cadence throughout the entire piece. The imagery of the tiger cat and mouse ponies is unique and playful. I could imagine reading this to a child and watching them pointing at the pictures and laughing. This would make an excellent pop-up, especially if the pictures are interactive and can move.

My gut reaction is: I don't get it. Although all you want to hear is what people dislike about your piece, I come from the firm belief that criticism should always involve something positive as well as constructive, so I'll say this: you have a knack for description. Grammar needs polishing (too many commas), and the change in POV from the shack to the spider is confusing. I do not understand "With his love, he tasted funny to the carpenter ants and the ants left him alone." This makes no sen...