duelingrose's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: San Jose, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 14
LOC: San Jose, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 14
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Items
Version 2
8 Reviews
2 Comments
Continue? Yes / No Cursor moves, selection made tokens gone, head home
Version 1
6 Reviews
5 Comments
Continue? Yes / No Cursor moves, selection made No more tokens, game over
Version 1
13 Reviews
14 Comments
His hands were folded perfectly, one atop the other, a thin layer of fog outlining his long fingers, marking where they lay against the cool acetate of the school desktop. His legs, far too long for the desk chair combination provided by the university, where tucked under his seat, crossed at the ankle. And thus he sat, posture perfect, eyes trained on the vision before him. He knew not her name, but for the teacher addressing her as “Miss Natsunei” when inviting her to the arithmetic quandar...
Version 1
7 Reviews
4 Comments
I’m sorry. I tangent. It’s just that I haven’t been able to get that question out of my head. “Why is a raven like a writing desk?” No, why can’t I find the answer. Why can’t I get it to quiet down. Why must it constantly pop forth in my thoughts. It makes studying harder, and writing harder. Why is a raven like a writing desk? Why should I even care enough to let this bother me. I have tests and papers to worry about. Not why some bird is like some thing. It’s enough to drive a body mad. Mad...
Version 1
5 Reviews
4 Comments
I bolted across the lawn, slipping on the evening dew, my arms flailing out in front of me as I managed my balance and kept on running. “Max! Knock it off!” His wolf clad head looked up at me from his bent over pose. He was laughing at the fallen figure, but his laugh stopped when he saw me running. The moonlight illuminated his smile, his shit eating grin. I could swear he had fangs. “Robbie! You came to have fun, too!? Where are your books?” He swayed toward, slanted in only the way a drunk...
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Reviews
You have a lot of tyographical errors. Spelling and grammar mistakes. This poem doesn't adhere to any of the conventional rules for poetry (at least, that I can see). It really feels like you knew what you were trying to say, but it became lost in the repetative lines. Clean up your mistakes and perhaps consider revising this piece a little. You could probably go very far.
This piece has some very... grim imagery. Not that it should be considered a bad thing - however I just don't consider it romantic. I do like this piece of work, and think you could go very far with your talent. I'm just walking away from it with a different picture than I think you were trying to present.
I'm not sure this will attract an agent, however this is a very well written piece. It's intellegent and mature and very much not the brain mush I've found myself reading lately. Most journal entries I find (my own included) are nothing but our minds bleeding through our fingers without so much as a fleeting care or thought. Just mush and garbled letters to paper (or screen). I was really surprised by your piece. It felt as though this was no ordinary entry, but something thought through with...
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