dylanmatthews's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: Grand Rapids, MN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 17
LOC: Grand Rapids, MN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 17
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Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
Victoria had the life she always wanted. One day, while kicking the front bumper of her overheated car, the handsome mechanic David Gale walked in to her life and left with her heart and car in tow. They were married within months and spent the following couple of years enjoying their youth. Around the time David’s first automotive repair shop began to turn a profit, Victoria felt her maternal clock begin to tick down. She stepped out of the corporate world and into the glow of motherh...
Version 1
1 Review
2 Comments
The next day, as Victoria neared her home after running a series of errands she slowed down to observe a spectacle in Samantha Cooper’s front yard. She told the girls when they got home that it was not polite laugh at Samantha, who had been drenched by the water spraying out of the random holes in her garden hose. What she did not tell the girls was their father was the one who had sliced the random holes in the garden hose, with a box cutter, while it was coiled up in the middle of the nigh...
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The decision Victoria made was not an easy one but she made it quickly. At dinner, she told David about a report she read that stated while under the influence of Nodoff, some patients take more than is necessary because they forgot they already took one. She went on to tell him they advised a trustworthy family member should hold on to them. “I don’t buy it.” David said. “What do you mean?” “I mean, I haven’t had any side effects so far. I think this is the ticket.” “Well, I’m glad you fina...
Version 1
2 Reviews
3 Comments
Victoria had the life she always wanted. One day, while kicking the front bumper of her overheated car, the handsome mechanic David Gale walked in to her life and left with her heart and car in tow. They were married within months and spent the following couple of years enjoying their youth. Around the time David’s first automotive repair shop began to turn a profit, Victoria felt her maternal clock begin to tick down. She stepped out of the corporate world and into the glow of motherhood wi...
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Reviews
This was a really well plotted out piece. It didn't feel to me like Betty was trying to fit in, it played out like she was a free spirited soul looking for adventure. I am not sure if this is what you intended when you were writing it but it has a very jovial feel to it. I can tell that you took a lot of time in making sure the scenes were represented well. Color plays an important role in everyone's life but you promoted it well, accenting her life with bold reds and yellows. I think this wo...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I did like this piece, thanks for posting it. I am not one for rhyming couplets but there was a line that really stuck in my mind after reading it. His affection will vanish one day, ashes to dust gray The object of his desire will soon wane away I thought this was well written and seemed to be an interesting truth.
So, this is a tough piece to critique because of the genre it is in. When you are dealing with an alternate world it is difficult sometimes to seel it to the point of believablility. you accomplished this on and off. Right away we are brought in with extreme detail about the train that creates a wonderful image. This works well. What didn't work for me was when on page 3 Once a slave to Araidia. wasn't explained enough. I thank you for sparing us the extremely detailed family history but some...
To begin with, congrats on attempting to complete a novel. This is an endeavor many begin but never complete. i was sucked in to the story right away the set up was nice and after reading the notes you left us, I kind of had an idea of what to expect. Then, you set us all up at the end of page five with the line...But the truth came out later when Papí was old enough, and nothing came of it. nothing that was very pivitol at least. it continued on with the family and lost me. I did not finish ...
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