earthvirgo's profile
AGE:
34
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 27
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 27
Attempting to create good work that people will find interesting to read. Helping others improve their work is very important to me. Never meant to be critical, but sometimes I’m too wordy. (guilt).
Items
Version 4
6 Reviews
0 Comments
The mirror of distance Glancing in the window, a small glimmer is observed. Dangling in your hair, you see this and put the idea aside. "It's nothing," you tell yourself. Go about your morning, pretending it was just a reflection of light. Then, in the mirror, the negligible white shape appears winking at you from the reflection. Again, you remind yourself, "Surely, it's the angle of light on the mirror." Then a third time, you finally are face-to-face with the glint, and it is unmistakable--...
Version 3
8 Reviews
5 Comments
The mirror of distance Glancing in the window, a small white flint is observed. Dangling in your hair, you see this and put the idea aside. "It's nothing," you tell yourself. Go about your morning, pretending it was just a reflection of light. Then, in the mirror, it appears, winking at you from the reflection. Again, you remind yourself, "Surely, it's the angle of light on the mirror." Then a third time, you finally are face-to-face with the glint, and it is unmistakable--peering at you. Low...
Version 2
4 Reviews
5 Comments
The mirror of distance Glancing in the window, a small white flint is observed. Dangling in your hair, you see this and put the idea aside. "It's nothing," you tell yourself. Go about your morning, pretending it was just a reflection of light. Then, in the mirror, it appears, winking at you from the reflection. Again, you remind yourself, "Surely, it's the angle of light on the mirror." Then a third time, you finally are face-to-face with the glint, and it is unmistakable--peering at you. Low...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The mirror of distance Glancing in the window, a small white flint is observed. Dangling in your hair, you see this and put the idea aside. "It's nothing," you tell yourself. Go about your morning, pretending it was just a reflection of light. Then, in the mirror, it appears, winking at you from the reflection. Again, you remind yourself, "Surely, it's the angle of light on the mirror." Then a third time, you finally are face-to-face with the glint, and it is unmistakeable--peering at you. Lo...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
A bus, going to the inner city. A barrio and a ghetto. The houses are decrepid and sullen. The children aren't naive. Waving their arms, flailing their power. Fires are on the sidewalks. An open field with dried tired reeds. Lost, within this frenzy. A sad friendly face, greets with understanding. The knowing is in his eyes-- kindness, quiet sorrow. Strangers fumble with him to communicate, verbs following nouns. Laughing, he nods his understanding and points, "Vaya derecho." Waving hands as ...
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Reviews
layed>>laid. This reads like a lyric. Is it? The shaping and spacing do help, I think express your idea, which is: I feel scattered and this roller coaster of life is...daunting. I never know how to rate: attract an agent, I need an agent, prof. pub advice. I'm none of those, so I'm neutral on the rating unless someone has hit it out of the park, so to speak. The spelling stopped me, so want to work on that it breaks up the flow. Same for expletives, but that goes to "personal taste." +...
spEEch writers (insert space too). Capital "H"arvard. As it got more impassioned, I lost you a little after, "militant". Then again, military/war treatises tend to be just that. Passionate. It starts well, then the form gets a little spotty. A word of advice? Just suggest forming it a bit more in the last third. With some editing and re-working, it would be nice. You have a clear voice and strong ideas well expressed. 5 for spelling, punctuation, form.
go all in [a]nd taste. I like elusive, wade in warm water... Thank you for sharing. You seem to be able to capture a painful topic difficult to grasp in words. I definitely connected with those feeling you shared from the inside-out.
In stanza 1, do you mean that you wish to have a respite from your busy mind? Ok. perhaps you mean take the passion out of your mind and place it into your body. As in the body-mind connection? I guess this is a sexual or passionate (ludic) love. Well put. No spelling, or grammar errors. Sure we should feel this way. I think more men tend to feel this way, sometimes, than women. Who knows.
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