"(delete space)he is dead" Insert a new paragraph here (break into two). Paragraph. I wonder who will call me.....news. (new paragraph). No one(comma). just....dark. (new paragraph). This...know you(insert comma) (lowercase) other....screen (insert period) (new paragraph). ...name(insert comma) (lowercase)or who I am....you(insert period) This time around...observer(insert hyphen/ double dash) (lowercase)watching...distance(insert period) (new paragraph) the last(insert double dash) deep(comm...

Woah. method detergent with bleach. Isn't method organic and no-harm stuff? Does that jive? Perhaps Method is just designer detergent, and then that would make sense. However this very inconsistency voices the mix of contrasts and ideals of Generation Y...so in a way...it's perfect. mascara...parted lips..orbit gum : great! I love that. I totally visualized this. I don't know if you're in California, but all the same--the experience of the generation, again--well described here. We're consume...

This is really going to be helpful for a lot of recovering addicts. And I think that this would be really great in literature in ads. Thanks for sharing. I like that it rhymes, I like the acronym. Just at the very end--the post script may be extraneous.

Ok. You're British. (petrol). Was a dead give away. :) General notes: This is very casual in tone and is cute. The first part reads like a voice-over at the beginning of a film. Or a casual novel, too, I guess it would work. This reads (especially at the end) more like a journal. Is this fiction? It feels sort of like a forced thing almost. P4: "He was" placed after. This reads as specifically perhaps 'cokney'd' (I'm not sure). Perhaps this is indeed appropriate for a Rockstar poem? I guess i...

taut or taunt? There are some lower-case upper-case issues to be resolved, along with sentence punctuation. However, great vocab! It's a bit dark for my taste. You really are able to express yourself well as to a feeling or state of mind. It just seeps of depression (kill me now!). Many people feel desperate, dark, and tired.

In stanza 1, do you mean that you wish to have a respite from your busy mind? Ok. perhaps you mean take the passion out of your mind and place it into your body. As in the body-mind connection? I guess this is a sexual or passionate (ludic) love. Well put. No spelling, or grammar errors. Sure we should feel this way. I think more men tend to feel this way, sometimes, than women. Who knows.

go all in [a]nd taste. I like elusive, wade in warm water... Thank you for sharing. You seem to be able to capture a painful topic difficult to grasp in words. I definitely connected with those feeling you shared from the inside-out.

Good job, keep 'em coming.

spEEch writers (insert space too). Capital "H"arvard. As it got more impassioned, I lost you a little after, "militant". Then again, military/war treatises tend to be just that. Passionate. It starts well, then the form gets a little spotty. A word of advice? Just suggest forming it a bit more in the last third. With some editing and re-working, it would be nice. You have a clear voice and strong ideas well expressed. 5 for spelling, punctuation, form.

layed>>laid. This reads like a lyric. Is it? The shaping and spacing do help, I think express your idea, which is: I feel scattered and this roller coaster of life is...daunting. I never know how to rate: attract an agent, I need an agent, prof. pub advice. I'm none of those, so I'm neutral on the rating unless someone has hit it out of the park, so to speak. The spelling stopped me, so want to work on that it breaks up the flow. Same for expletives, but that goes to "personal taste." +...