The one thing I noticed right away was the use of interesting line formation. This is an interesting formal device, but it is often corrupted with the occasional incredibly long line, in for example, the third, fourth and fifth stanzas of page one. Interrupting the line length flow is very jarring to a reader and they often look to try to make sense of this shift and wind up not paying attention to the text. Insofar as content is concerned, this is certianly more a piece of formal experiment ...

This is a really interesting piece. With the exception of a few punctuation errors, it is very good and well thought out. Because it is written in such a matter of fact manner, however, I wonder if you could punch it up for us. Perhaps make the speaker of this story an old bouncer or a slick gambler. Give us a tiny bit of back story and perhaps make this character narrate the piece. Doing that might rope more people into reading the piece and give them good advice and a good read all in one. ...

The dialogue on page one between Jude and his mother does not read like dialogue between mother and son but rather between two friends. There are also spelling mistakes throughout-- "i" as a pronoun should always be "I", when speaking possessivly, "your" is ok, when making the contraction, "you are" it becomes "you're", failing to adhere to these grammar guidelines creates a lot of reader confusion. "Tuche" is spelled "Touche" Where the screenplay leaves off, I have no real idea of who Jude i...

I like the first line a lot but when I read on, it loses potency because it doen't seem to match with the imagery throughout the rest of the piece. The second line is where I take issue-- I get the desire to cover up the smell of any kind of smoke, but where does this water like sleet come from? The two lines don't mesh well given the subject matter. Similarly, I think that while it is clear that the habit referred to in the title is some sort of narcotic, it might not be a bad idea to clear ...

This is certainly one of the best pieces I've seen on Urbis in a long while. There are only a few minor corrections, but I'd first like to throw out an idea... What about writing the opening paragraph of exposition in the present tense. I don't think it would affect the story at all and it would immediately bring the reader in, versus the rather blase past tense, does that make sense? I'd also like to see some more imagery throughout the first paragraph-- what kind of sexual encounters? who w...

This piece has certainly come a way since its first draft. I like the movement much more now, although I still think the piece tends to go on a bit too long.

This is a rather interesting piece. I like the language, very well thought and chosen and ultimately illustrative of the main point. I dislike the excessive anaphora of "it (verb)" at least I dislike it in this format. To me, this reads much like a poem but it looks like a short story. Simply break up the lines a bit and, voila! a poem. I would, however, caution against starting each line with "it". This piece actually reminds me of a story by Miranda July from her collection "No One Belongs ...

I like this piece a lot in that it very deftly underscores both the outrage of frankly broken system, and the cringe of ego bruise that goes with it. I also really like the humor throughout. What I CAN'T get behind, though, is calling it a limerick. To be nit picky, a limerick is a verse of five lines that is usually humorous (which this totally is). However, I think you got lost a little in the metrical structure of the piece. The limerick, like the haiku, has a prescibed meter for each line...

I like this poem in that it deals well in an overwrought subject. However, there are some things I'd look into, were I you. Firstly, there seems to be a quasi-AB rhyme scheme going on here, which is good. However, its effect is undone because of the absence of a metrical line. For example, the line "we are near the final days of man" is in almost perfect pentameter (5 beats of two syllables per line) and almost perfectly trochaic, that is there is a strong stress followed by a weaker one that...

I really liked this piece for its pace and ease of reading. The dialogue was not only quite natural, but often times quite clever, and overwhelmingly informative. I admire how you were able to deliver some more complex theories through the dialogue while still managing to make it sound like natural voice instead of an instruction book. In so far as the story is concerned, I like what I see so far, but there is no real arc here, no tension or drama to latch to. This leads me to believe it is n...