ekentrada's profile
AGE:
31
LOC: Lake Charles, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 19
LOC: Lake Charles, LA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 19
I love reading other people’s work and try to provide insight on how to make good stories great—although I would never presume to be an expert. I write the kind of reviews that I like to receive.
www.ekentrada.com
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I I fell in love with Chopin because of Piano Sonata No. 3. The name doesn’t sound romantic, I’ll admit, but if you’ve ever heard it, you would understand. Four movements: Allegro maestroso, Scherzo, Largo, Finale. It develops into a rising harmonic progression from a heavy beginning, then becomes melodic and bursts into an unsettling largo with subtle undertones. I learned the piece early, but didn’t master it until my early 40s and even then I never really mastered it. It’s been said to be ...
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In my life, I have been saved twice from the water: Once, when I was six years old and rescued from an unexpected current in the bay of our village, and again when I was an eleven-year-old passenger on the cargo ship Kioea. My Uncle Dali saved me the first time. The second time, it was Sanchie Villaneuva, an alleged half-Chinese prostitute. Kioea’s twenty allowable passengers included me, my older sister Leila and my mother, Mei-Mei. Before we boarded, the crew explained that their first prio...
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In my life, I have been saved twice from the water: Once, when I was six years old and rescued from an unexpected current in the bay of our village, and again when I was an eleven-year-old passenger on the cargo ship Kioea. My Uncle Dali saved me the first time. The second time, it was Sanchie Villaneuva, an alleged half-Chinese prostitute. Kioea’s twenty allowable passengers included me, my older sister Leila and my mother, Mei-Mei. Before we boarded, the crew explained that their first prio...
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Nine-year-old Matthew Forrester knew his father mostly by sounds. The closing of the front door at ten o'clock was his father coming home from work, long after dark, when Matthew had already been in bed for an hour. This was followed by the sound of his father's work boots being shoved in the corner near the hat rack and the sound of the recliner squeaking under his hefty frame as he sat down to watch late-night television, only he never really watched it, because he always dozed off before t...
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Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wondered if maybe I was a little bonkers, but it wasn't until the morning of April second, while I stood before my rose bushes with hands on hips, that I ever really considered the fact that I may be insane. A certain patch of grass in my yard, under which Dean Percel lay decomposing, had appeared brighter, greener and healthier, and it pleased me so much that I suddenly wondered if it was normal to consider a human being, even Dean, as nothing more...
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Reviews
The two paragraphs that begin "Our mom abandoned us ..." and "My brother took an immediate liking ..." seem out of place because it stops the action and puts the reader into two paragraphs of exposition. I would suggest more showing and less telling to illustrate the points you're giving us here. I would let the reader know earlier in the story how old your narrator is. Instead of "hate fucking Christmas," I would recommend "fucking hate Christmas." In the first demonstrated usage, it's a ver...
Absolutely amazing. Very vivid. I enjoyed this very much. Usually I offer much more in ways of editing and writing advice, but this piece is strong as it is, in my opinion. I suggest that you submit it to SmokeLong Quarterly and see what happens. They only accept a small percentage of submissions, but it's easy to submit and you've got nothing to lose. Also, I love the ending. Great.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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