I am writing to you based upon your (state why you think this agent will be interested in your work...Agent guide listing, other clients works, etc.) Africa’s not for Sissies is more than a traveler’s tale. Although the story is generally lighthearted and describes my sometimes dangerous, often humorous misadventures in Africa, it touches on deeper issues. It explores backpacker culture, the impact of tourism, and even the inequities between the First and Third World. This nonfiction narrativ...

I am also 67 and understand what you are saying so eloquently here. Truthfully, there are only two small portions where I saw a possible minor change. EXISTING: Things that did not linger nor stay They did not see the warmth of the sun The blue of the sky POSSIBLE CHANGE: Things that did not linger nor stay Nor did they see the warmth of the sun And the blue of the sky EXISTING: Leaving dark ebony with no facets left at all To show where the glasses had been. Perhaps delete the word Leaving a...

This is a provocative opening that makes you want to go on. However I think a few changes would make it stronger. Here is one example, below. Don't lose your "voice". Some of it just needs to be cleaned up a bit. EXISTING: If someone had asked her twenty minutes ago why she was getting out, why she was going to do it, she would have explained about the cat and the car and how Curtis was again off with her car and he let the cat out the door when he stormed off all sullen and sulking. She told...

This is very well written. I clearly see a love, a relationship that is not meant to be. It could be for any of a number of reasons but the anguish is there. And the feeling of being a willing prisoner. Sorry but I have no critique to offer. I like it.

No advice on sleeping! I like the similies and the "ramblings" really sound like what happens when the mind goes crazy and sleep won't come. Was it a breakup? Another kind of betrayal? What happened...these are the questions formed while reading this passage. A good thing. It provoked thought. On one hand I wish it was made clear, but on the other hand if there were more, I would read it. Good job.

The good premise is there, but the work needs polishing. It needs to be broken into better paragraphs and tightened a bit. Please don't take this as a harsh critique. In general you've got it working and I would like to see it get to the next point. There are a few grammatical things like: EXISTING: It wasn’t that she forgot he was a working-class father of three children, which used his free time to tend to the house he slaved at work for. SUGGESTION: It wasn’t that she forgot he was a worki...

I haven't read the first part of this, but I do have a suggestion since this is in the action/adventure category. I think you need a bit more tension. Here is an example: EXISTING Jimbo took the binoculars from his eyes and looked at the dead city. Had it really been just a few weeks since all this happened? He put the lenses back up and looked at the distant port, large helicopters with vehicles slung below them were flitting back and forth, from where, he couldn’t see. The crunch of gravel ...

There is a good message here about the curiosity and imagination of children and how oblivious many adults have become to the things around them. I can picture this as an illustrated book with either very graphic illustrations or esoteric watercolor like ones. Two completely different approaches. I'm not sure but it looks like this should be split like this instead of the way it is to go with the way a part later on is split: Grown ups will never find him when walking through the woods, too b...

Sounds like an interesting story, but you need a better query. Start out telling about yourself and why you chose to submit to this particular agent. They don't want to know that you are only halfway through. Probably best not to query until you can submit a polished manuscript. by the way, the SASE I've used below means self addressed stamped envelope. Always enclose one if you expect any kind of an answer. EXAMPLE: I’m a student working on a degree in journalism. This is my first novel whic...

I liked this. It describes quite well the ramblings of a single woman's mind. Yeah, you always seem to be attracted to the unattainable, the ones who aren't good for you and you know they aren't. Reading through this I'm back in the dating game, remembering all of if. The great guys I let go because they weren't hunks or they liked to hum while watching movies, the one who got so ticked off at having to pay for parking he threatened to rush the parking lot arm...not so great, that one. But th...