eremiphobia's profile

when you were a bird i choked down chunks of fruit to quiet you or you squawked all night in a ribcage that hardly contained you (then called you beautiful in your desperation! those mesmerizing clipped wings!) when you were a fish and flopped from kidney to kidney limply and frantically i rushed to gut you with nervous hands that left you empty and still and when you were a lap dog i let you come begging at metaphorical feet and turned you away with no new tricks you’d be too old to learn an...

me in my car like the mind in a bull’s skull and the stupid road like one big china shop it can’t charge without harming i’ve left things behind in my wake before, sure, but nothing like you, black eyes in a broken head still filled with indecision and i guess regret – your body wet and heavy nothing like a stuffed rabbit’s and mine wet and heavy like nothing human, we could have clung to one another in that street but we would have been attached to nothing and both hit again by other reckles...

the last place i saw you was a corpse-still building without a heart, just a million empty seats and windows tinted to turn the departing into ghosts and no room for holding onto love you forgot your wallet but took my vital organs, i swear i’m not speaking figuratively – my blood cells were as secure in your veins as you, strapped into a plane without a parachute i wanted to search the sky for your tiny face, hovering above streets we had driven where i never meant to say goodbye to you but ...

it is constantly painful to live inside skin pocked with air-holes who are always begging, unclog me, just like the stuck drains and stuck people who are all equally helpless. there is not enough soap in the world to annul the damage they demand freedom from, and no amount of steam will divorce our pores from their impurities.

my stomach is sick with guilt, my head is a butterfly trap begging to release. when it snapped i said if you were so desperate to pull beauty from outside yourself you’d have done the same thing too. now i pull disembodied wings from my spine and cry i never had a need for destruction. every wave of my vocal chords crushes another of you, every crack of my synapses sends earthquakes through your cores. one day my forehead will burst open and you’ll all come pouring out. you’ll leave behind yo...