erinn's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Anchorage, AK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LOC: Anchorage, AK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 04
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Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
it was all chance and circumstance that found me and you and her some divine and holy trinity of the flesh convened for an exercise of sacrilege the marriage of right to wrong and i cant help but wonder if she knows that my hands used to curve, and work their way, hail mary-ing, up your neck if she can taste me in the places my lips kissed warm and sticky prayers prayers and if she see the blessings in my touch that are still outlined on your skin those same spots her fingers now carress with...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Remember That candy bar you Lifted from the corner store? How you slipped it in my pocket As you wrapped your long fingers In my belt loop Pulled me in for a distracting kiss You leaned with such heavy disregard I had to balance by pushing back To fall against your half smile; Half willing But the pleasure from your Slick and precise gesture Didn’t mask the weight Nor did it lessen my anger At the contrived tenderness In your whisper of “I love you” You tightened your grip Before you let go t...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
my world is colorful my true sensibility lies in the galleries around the globe masterpieces contain bits of my soul my character framed for others to view Degas is my little girl fancy ballerinas of dreamy blues and muscular stallions strong feed my child's fantasy my love of music abstracted in Kandinsky's compositions I to X improvisations crescendo with intensity to resonate in my open and willing heart humanity is embodied by Cezanne hunger in all its forms Apples, Peaches, Pears and Gra...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Brother my Brother settled low in the crescent curve of my mother’s womb possessed of heavy thoughts even then the wisdom of stony patience he sunk into embracing the nature of his nature he breathed a sigh and inhaled peace was born into serenity I hung with weight as a cannonball in my mother’s womb temperamental and unobliging even then the folly of rebellion I pulled around deliberately lighting the fuse of my nature I screamed a cry and choked down turmoilwas born into war by ecb
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Reviews
heya norm. enjoyed this read very much. the story was well put together and im actually interested by the narrator. i love how hes scheduled to leave the island when shes timed to arrive. youve created a dynamic and intriguing character as well as a fascinating plot twist. that detail changed my whole preconcieved notion of the story. as far as suggestions go, i have a few. the first is a bit nit picky, i think you should take out either "once" or "many" in the sentence:"The same child who on...
i think that this piece has potential, but a lot of it is lost in the "telling". i suggest more descriptive imagery, something that is concrete enough for the reader to relate to. perhaps describe the actual act of stabbing? in a way that would suggest tender deception...ie: delicate fingers caressed the hilt...and so forth. i dont want to flood you with a list of adjectives and the like...so ill just say this: avoid words that are too common. if you want to use a word that is familiar, use w...
enjoyed this, it would certainly make a great song. the only thing im left wanting for is...why? perhaps it wouldnt hurt to elongate this, include several stanzas as to why the break up occured? not necessarily a blow by blow recap, but some insight as to why they are no longer together. i think it would make the statements of regret more poignant as well as taking care of that annoying why. of course, im a "why" kinda gal. so to each his own. it is of course my opinion, feel free to take it ...
i really love your style. ive read a few of your other pieces and i just think its excellent stuff. wonderful structure. the caesura really adds to the overall effect of your writing. its something that makes the piece uniquely yours and adds alot of power to your words. it just really packs quite the punch. my favorite part of the piece are the last few lines. the image of the speaker calling out for someone to recognize his dreams, give his fragile hope some nourishment, its just perfect in...
i love this poem. absolutely fantastic in its structure. you really get the feeling of breathlessness. excellent images, supported by great diction. my favorite line is at the end of the first paragrah: "Please Forgive...Four...Given...R U N." i love the slight play on words. just a great feel to this poem overall. like i said, love it. keep up the great work! erinn
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