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ernesto's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Shelton, CT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 06
LOC: Shelton, CT
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 06
Im real big on the beat generation.Bukowski,ginsberg,kerouc,(james)dickey,w.c. williams,(jim)carroll.I also like a lot of much older stuff.The basics-goethe,shakespeare,blake,dante,homer.Rimbaud is one of my very favorites & I very,very, much enjoy the poetry of jim morrison,he is one of my favorites as well.I only ask one thing of those on this site that participate in my critique of their work and that it is that they understand that im on their team.I want to help make you better not tear you down.sometimes im harsh but thats because I expect a lot,a lot that I know a lot of you can give me.If every poet today takes it as their own personal goal to accelerate poetry and not just accelerate within it were going to make people forget th…
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You crawled morosely under the floor tile. Hate Predicated the love you exuberantly offered. Your heels high, your knees spread wide. I was born with original sin-yours. I'm the blood smeared on your skin. Where do you End and i begin? Were inherent in one another, Wrapped up, tangled like tree limbs squeezing the Sap from dualous lives that start and stop live and Cease to live, straying ever farther from normal Subjectivity. I breath air into my lungs tearing it from yours and Appear smilin...
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Weekends float atop Monday garbage bins. Saturday beer and Sunday corn husks .Salted, buttered; savory and tongue-swelling Now that i think of it. & the cigarette burned rings bleed through Manufactured cemetery's, seated like shrines. Paying homage to The recycled absolute god from which all shots of lightning and rain Spring forth. Tomorrow or yesterday, I will carry my cold torch into the mountains. Exalting visions, hands raised to the vane sun begging forgiveness in a kindle. Take a face...
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Blood trickles from the stone as you are rich, You are rich as the walls of the bottomless well are wet But your hold on the throats of dead presidents, Green with envy, is itself deceased. poor the Champaign- Your pseudology increased. A veil of darkness a mask of Nero Shrouds the light. It will never escape! It never live... Your chin gathers sun but hard pressed like the stones you Don’t carry are you to gaze at the stars and let your eyes hold Them but posses nothing of them. Pride shackl...
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My midnight blood runs too thick to flow,my vaines cry,manecaing in starving emptiness.And If you pull out my aching fingernails with salted fish-hooks will relativativity serve its purpose?maybe,no Maybe brush my teeth with sausage-casings?...Or maybe im not so optomistic as the prostate stroking comfort of a fresh steraight-jacket held against the back-drop of human freedom,my human freedom, to hate and to need and to need to hate this cursed field in autumn,in full bloom. A thunderous shri...
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a sopping bathtowel over decaying bathtile, youth's folly strides boastful.laying his hand on ages dull shoulder,sharp with hatchets burried resurfacing.apolstered chairs with white-cotton spines. vaginal discharge & yellow mucus join two sides of a kerchief. double use.sneeze.tripple use.hair-jelly picked from pubic hair,quad-used.uncaringly left strategicaly scattered on the dining table. The image of a fathered & mothered family sat despondent around a table obscured with food-full plates....
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Pretty funny, slightly cliche. I liked the wording of you addressing it to 'what natural forces it may concer' that was clever...And I rather liked the final paragraph which comments on the poor customer service, this was funny. The previous two largely rely upon simply the idea of it, writing a customer service complaint to nature about periods, being funny and are not particularly well executed. If I saw it on the pages of a popular magazine I would smile for a moment and flip the page with...
Well,to be honest,it's not that great the way it is...but I could definantly see it being a piece of a really good poem once it's finished.The rustic seeker kind of mentality that the poem has was enjoyable and the basic elements of (what remains of our) trees and leaves and nature was a good start.The word "fun" was a big part of my aversion,though."Fun" is what you say when you don't feel like talking."Fun" is far from painting a picture.You may think that using generalitys allows your read...
I had to read the part about 'sarah at last being your human' twice,and I very rarely have to read things twice.Other than that I think it gives the basic backround information that a publisher needs in order to get the wheels turning and get them thinking about what the story might be like and also gives the right amount of detail about the story to clue us in on your charm as a writer.It was good.After reading it I wanted to read the real story,maybe you could post that if you hav'nt already.
This had a really nice sound to it.The only part that I did'nt care for was-"But you are you, and I am me, We’ll be this way eternally." 'eternally'is a bit much,a bit dramatic.I do'nt think that was your best.and Maybe you could be a little bit more specific here because the picture I got of this literary situation was very fuzzy.If expounded I think it could be much better.
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