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evoloution's profile
AGE:
26
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 09
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 09
I’m interested in all styles of writing and learning anything about structure and prose that will help me improve.
Looking forward to reading many of your pieces too!
CG.
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Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
Dreams are dreams, pen and paper
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Version 1
8 Reviews
2 Comments
Bliss is a dream called Love.
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Version 5
21 Reviews
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FADE IN: EXT. RIDGE – (PRESENT DAY) LORDA, 26, a translucent, slender, white female being is walking methodically along the ridge of a deep valley. As the wind ruffles LORDA’S long hair, she turns her head. Etched on a large stone in the reddish brown of the valley are the words; ‘Oracle Valley’. At the incline of the hill, birds are calling and butterflies are floating about. LORDA frowns at the steepness of the hill. The hill-top looks dark. As LORDA looks up, she sees a red castle atop the...
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Version 1
22 Reviews
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FADE IN: EXT. RIDGE – (PRESENT DAY) LORDA, 26, a translucent, slender, white female being is walking methodically along the ridge of a deep valley. The grass is luscious and green beneath her bare feet and the sky is bright blue. The wind ruffles LORDA’S long blond hair, she turns her head. Etched on a large stone in the reddish brown of the hill-side are the words; ‘Oracle Valley’. At the incline of the hill, birds are calling and butterflies are fluttering about. LORDA frowns as she takes i...
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Version 2
0 Reviews
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Running like Murder. Chapter One. Tracy changed to fifth gear and sped up her white Volkswagen. The road was empty and dark now and she knew that in no time at all she would see the bright lights on the coastline that led the road into Atalaia. Tracy had often felt that this part of the road was peculiar since she had moved to Mosquito Beach a year ago. There were sand dunes that all looked alike on the beach and an endless palm grove on the other side of the road which did not grant any noti...
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Wow. I'm really impressed that someone under eighteen has written something so truthful and universal; the concept of growing up and changing and wondering who we can take with us on the next chapter of our lives. Not only this but you have rhymed it well and the piece is economically sound (not to many words or repetition). I think there is a typo here but it's nothing you cannot fix. "Perhaps the can lead me somewhere" Also try turning this in to a four stanza poem and chunk the couplets in...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Hi there. I think when you say; "you both" you may be talking of children? I think the poem is wonderfully dynamic and flows beautifully. My only one issue is on the third stanza from the bottom; "their dances", who is "their" or are you mentioning the world outside of your own world? Other than that I think the length could be shortened by one stanza, perhaps the second to last as it does not add much to the 'now' of the poem, it only suggests knowledge of a future that has not happened yet....
Hello. Firstly, I love this! I don't know what mode this line/lyric fits in to but I think it is thought provoking. "madness" may be subjective but I think it describes the masses of people and opinions that circle us as we try to be artists. Well done and I would recommend working on this and turning it in to a four stanza poem.
Hello there. Boring but first I just want to acknowlege your typos; Thoughts far to heavy. Should be "too heavy" has kept you aground. "Have kept you a'ground" I think you have a good two character narrative from the first person which works well. Your structure reflects the airyness of flight but I think it would work better as four line stanza's simply to add familiarty to the masses. This would give you six and a half stanzas so I would also urge you to cut some of it. It can be repetetive...
Hello. I have a problem with this poem as i found it confusing. In the second two lines of your first stanza you write; 'we seem to anticipate' but you do not throughout the rest of the poem explain 'we' are. I think that would be interesting to add as it would bring the audience more understanding of your message. The next two stanzas are generally ok except they don't add anything particular, more they keep the same tone, empty corridors, no sadness or story to tell. This grammatically sema...
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