expelius's profile

expelius avatar
AGE: 17
LOC: Labelle, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 05

My name is Griselda. I’m 17 and going on to 18. I love to write but only stories because my poetry isn’t any good. Hope you enjoy the ones that I post on here.

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Items
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Exiled - Chapter One
Version 2
4 Reviews   0 Comments
The cold air streamed through an opened window on the third floor of the inn. Jacen Cyril mumbled something in his sleep as he turned over in his bed. Cold sweat was bursting through his skin as he though a dam had been opened. The rough bed covers were wrapped around his legs as he tossed and turned. He whimpered softly and then cried out, lifting his hand slightly as if to stop an impending doom. In his nightmare, his mother and father were being murdered. He saw flashes of men with covered...
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Sci Fi & Fantasy / Exiled - Chapter One
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The cold air streamed through an opened window on the third floor of the inn. Jacen Cyril mumbled something in his sleep as he turned over in his bed. Cold sweat was bursting through his skin as he though a dam had been opened. The rough bed covers were wrapped around his legs as he tossed and turned. He whimpered softly and then cried out, lifting his hand slightly as if to stop an impending doom. In his nightmare, his mother and father were being murdered. He saw flashes of men with covered...
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Reviews
Flash Fiction / Gutted
Removed
There are some points in the story where is gets really confusing. You need to stick to a certain point of view. For example, if it is the girl that is talking, or rather, narrating the story, than it should be her point of view. If there is going to be a transition then it should be clear. Most of the time that I was reading this I could not tell who was the narrator. Unravel the plot a little more and the story could be really good. Take time to correct your grammatical errors so it will gi...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Poetry / Beauty
This is a very good poetry, though I do not know much about poetry.
Removed
Poetry / Lost Memory
It's a great poem. I don't really like poetry normally but yours caught my attention as I was reading it. Good job. Again great poem. Hope to read more of them.
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