fiddybinkin's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: West Sacramento, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 03
LOC: West Sacramento, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 03
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Items
Version 1
38 Reviews
25 Comments
The gentle breeze rustled the leaves and carried with it a scent of renewal and rejuvenation. The boy could hear the birds singing through his open window as his curtains billowed and danced. Sitting on the edge of his neatly made bed, he examined the brown pill bottle in his hands. Such an inconspicuous container to hold something as precious as freedom. He had tried other things. He’d starved, isolated, and even cut himself, hoping that something would provide relief from the pain. Each tim...
Version 1
7 Reviews
5 Comments
As Easter is approaching Let's put an end to bunny poaching And do away with things like rabbit stew For when Peter Cottontail is coming He shouldn't have to be a runnin' From the likes of mighty hunters, such as you Picture, if you will Ole Peter hoppin' up a hill Thinkin' of where he'll hide those Easter eggs When suddenly he's confronted And realizes he's bein' hunted As a bullet whistles past his furry legs Motionless with fright He stares down the hunter's sight And wills his legs to mov...
Version 1
19 Reviews
19 Comments
We are never so loved as when we die And rivers of tears are being cried By mourners, overcome with grief Who adorn our casket with floral wreaths So beautiful, yet no one thought to buy Them for us until we died We are never so loved as when we are dead And all those we knew gather 'round our head Our every deed is now rejoiced Our virtues sang in solemn voice Not a word of it uttered while we were near And its melodic sound could soothe our ear Those who criticized, now speak of love And wi...
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Reviews
Your story flowed poetically. I enjoyed reading it and am awed at your creativity. It's very hard for me to write in the abstract and I envy those who can. I would have liked some breaks (ie. paragraphs)in the reading to give me the opportunity to process the information. Without them, I found that I had to read it twice. Very nice!
Journal, Diary, & Blogging
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How It Came to Be That I Watched an Episode of Some Lame Reality TV Show
This was really funny! Sorry to laugh at your life - if this indeed is your life - but it was really funny! The names are distracting - Cat, Goose, Wolf, Bear...what, are you watching Animal Planet? Seriously, what is the story behind the names? But I loved everything else. Especially the "crappy zombie movie", "crappy vampire movie", "crappy gay art-house film" ...the repeated use of that wonderful word just made the paragraph flow. Good job and keep blogging.
I could really feel the emotion in your writing but it doesn't seem to be a poem. I think that it would work better as a bit of prose. In the first stanza, the first three lines have no rhyming at all and then each of the following lines seems to have a word in the middle and the final word of each line that rhyme...proclaim/name, breath/death, foes/rose, receive/cleave. I think that poems work better if they either rhyme or don't rhyme. Mixing it up disrupts the flow and flow is so important...
I'm going to have to reach deep to find criticism for your story. It was very interesting. But here goes the nit-picky... "Monk Blue sat bolt upright, straining at his skin," I would eliminate the word 'sat' and change bolt to 'bolted'. It just makes the sentence more efficient and the flow a little better. "He stumbled in the maelstrom of terrified clucking and dusty feathers" What about using squawking instead of clucking? "then fell into the arms of a six foot two vision of perfection in f...
Great idea! I love irony and humor and this story has the potential to overflow with both. I think you should definately develop this idea into a short story. The first paragraph is extremely clever. Give us more.
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