fivebyfive420's profile

fivebyfive420 avatar
AGE: 27
LOC: Riverside, NJ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 27

My defining characteristic is my ability to use as many words as humanly possible to say the simplest things. Ok, so this is going to be my first attempt at posting some of my poetry online. Constructive criticism and questions will be appreciated and welcomed.In the words of Richard Bach, ” A writer’s life, like a reader’s, is fiction and fact; it’s almost-happened and half-remembered and once-dreamed. The smallest part of our being is history that somebeody else can verify.”

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Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
This world is not our own, We lovers, We two. We two are too few to be Understood in this One, Sweet world… As through eyes that lookout deep from within worlds unimaginable to stretch out our visions of this world invisible to the rest of Them. This vast world that belongs To those without Vision, without insight, without Magic. In this world that holds We two In only the possibility of Magic, that is ours to find, In this world where only we two Are looking hard Enough.
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Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Another brick chipped away, Another brick in the wall Slowly if out of knowing, Or not, The bricks are being Hacked away, Yanked, Cracked, Bulldozed into nothingness Forgotten oblivion, In the heaping pile of rubble Surrounding the contractors Pulling back their enormous, Angry Yellow monsters Wondering where the next, Wrecking ball should strike, Another brick from the wall, Mingled, Mangled, Beaten into submissive silence With the rest at ground zero, Waiting to see when the excavation will...
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Poetry / Dear Daddy,
Version 1
8 Reviews   4 Comments
As long as I have you to hate, I am prevented from hating myself. I am contented enough With hating the memories Of you That I see in the mirror, So the true mirror is blurred, I can bail from the revulsion I feel for myself, The same way I bailed from you. I blame you enough, That I don't have to blame myself, As long as my finger is pointing at you, I don't see the three pointing back at me, I am not even here, Not even real For as long as I am angry... I can hold the anger for you, And as ...
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Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
The possibility of Magic dwells Behind walls built up With pain and scar tissue laid as foundation. Stone, gray, hard, cold Walls built up over Time. To close off the inevitability of hurt With only, One window left to see inside. Hope lies in the eyes of one man, One man who looks through the window, With sensitivity, With the ability to see, Behind the gray. Into the window, inside the walls to a light, So bright, warm, clear. Past the pain and scar tissue, And past disillusionment to the c...
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Version 1
7 Reviews   8 Comments
The warm wind rushes (naked, heat in blood flowing through lovers) over the sand to the ocean(pulsing, aching from fingers to breasts) sweeping waves crashing on the sand(two bodies pressed together to become one) tiny crab grabs onto water for life(flowing, gasping, breathing, heaving) waves come crashing on the sand(breath warms the flowing wind) the warm wind rushes past.
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lovely imagery here. I actually really enjoyed this... to be honest this brought tears to my eyes... I was wondering if you could tell me what you drew from here to get to this. Please keep writing.
very good for a rough draft, i would take out the line: "is what made me think of you" other than that, with a few restructuring revisions to flow better, i think you've god something good here. Nice start.
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"from sex-crazed" --how about adding the word SOME? "brighter then usual"--should be THAN? "to look like each other, right to the lawns seem mowed in a diagonal scheme."---right down? maybe?? the word "seem" here messes with the flow somehow. "A good portion of my youth was spent at that mall we just passed. The food court and arcades are gone. Only the Hot Topic remains, where counterculture means dressing alike. Murray Central: 5200 South"---Absolutely perfect, i love this stanza the most....
Poetry / A bitter pill
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I think as fan fiction goes this is very good, you've got the rowling-esque language of potter world down to a science. Here's where it all goes wrong: "Kreacher felt the flames tickle at his toes, scorching his old flesh. He could wave them away in an instant, but he would not. Kreacher felt the flames light upon his body, the covered him. Kreacher felt unconsciousness come. Kreacher burned himself with the house. Kreacher joined his ancestors upon the wall as it all fell down upon his body....
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