An excellent and entertaining read. I loved the way the story starts in the norm of street, gets you used to the everyday horrors of life, and then comes along a whallops you with a puzzling enigma! Story is very well written and you fall into the world accepting it to be what it is, you make the frightening seem normal (The baddies in their cars, the gun battle, etc), and then you 'dump' the reader right into another work, even more sinister than where we started. Definately has the makings ...

Good and exciting tale. There are some problems with grammer (even instead of event, for example). I only point these out because it's something I have to pay a lot of attention to lately. The introductory story is strong and lays a good foundation for what will follow. The plot - so far - leaves me intrigued, and wanting to know more. I hope you find this article useful - this is first review I have completed, so apologies for any mistakes.

This is an excellent story piece, that is fast paced and energetic. You have mentioned it is a rough draft and, for that, I have tried to ignore grammatical errors. I think you should concentrate on polishing this up with punctation and get it as grammatically correct as possible. The excitement generated here is pretty intense and has the makings of an excellent story. Get rid of the 'rough' and you have an excellent peice of work in your hands. Best of luck with this project.

A very well written piece, providing all the neccessary information and description needed to build good images of the people and the places. This is the only part of Oathbearer I have read so far, and so I am unsure of the main plot. I got the impression of a world where good and evil battle and each side has it's own champions. The characters are strong and you really get the impression that many things are happening not only in the intitial ialogue that you read, but also in other parts of...

Very, very interesting piece. I love the setting, I love the fact that the angels are in turmoil, and I like your picture of heaven. You have good descriptive use of the words you choose, and I was able to picture the whole scene clearly in my head, or al least my interpretation of it. The mood was delivered well and, though the story feels to be about the rebirth amongst men of the anti-christ, I feel as though you have successfully put a whole new perspective on the issue - ie, that the ang...

Quite good capture of adult relationships (I mention that due to your writing age). It reminded me a little of the sci-fi books of the 50's that I used to read - and enjoy (particularly the descriptions of the various parts of the craft). As with us all there are grammar problems and it is worth reading out each paragraph loudly, one word at a time and only read what you see. It is always difficult to find out own mistakes. The descriptions where good and brought you in and placed you firmly ...

This was very well written, and had very few grammar problems (unlike my own! lol). The story was nicely told, and the characters and surroundings were well described. You do get a sense that 'something' is going to happen (even before you read the final line), and I think a small intro, to whett the juices of the reader, might be a good idea. If you want to make this into a novel then you should go ahead (but only if you believe you have all the elements and story, with no need to just pad i...

A very good piece that is extrmely well written. You draw the reader into the lives of the characters and your delivery of the ceremony could so easily have become boring\slow but you avoided this using excellent dialogue and interesting information. This piece flows perfectly and I was only thrown once by an awkward word placement that tripped me up. You have created a large world in this piece, cleverly allowing the reader to become aware of the 'outside' world without labouring on with 'in...

Hi This was a very nice and well presented piece and I could really only commment on one probloem that I saw with it... The line 'Cool to touch, I miss you so much' Here, you are gazing at the beuatiful child who has passed and it is nice and easy to say that you yourself misses them, but I feel it would be more correct to say 'Cool to touch, someone misses you so much.' This would make you then think of those who have been left behind to grieve. The mum, dad, brotheres, sisters, etc. It is a...

A lot of this scanned quite well, and at points where it did not I got the impression that is the words were sung correctly then it would scan. I would re-think the use of 'sick,' and 'hiatus' and replace them. They seem lost and out of place within the flow of the body of the work. 'frist kiss' & 'dreams with' went together particulary well. Your first 2 verses begin to delivery what promises to be a big story but then does not move forward and only repeats what it has to say. I think there ...