flyawaywitmexo9's profile

flyawaywitmexo9 avatar
AGE: 15
LOC: Whippany, NJ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 29

Hey…my names caitlin and im 14 years old. i know thats a bit young to start really writing something great but i try the best that i can. i have curently written a 90 page story (single spaced, 12 times new roman font) and i really want it to be published! do im updating chapters of it all the time. so plz if u get the chance read it and tell me any changes u would make. i’m really nice and i need these <3 plz and thank you!

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Young Adult / Just Follow Me Part 3
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter 3 I climbed the ladder into my pitch black bedroom. I slammed my head on my pillow hoping I would never have to move. When I finally opened my eyes, I glanced at my backpack. I knew I had to start my homework. I reached into my bag and began my homework. Then, I reached back down to find my calculator when my hand grasped something else. I pulled it out and looked at an I-pod. I turned it over and saw there was a name etched on the back, Justin. Guilt spread over me. I felt extremely ...
Ratings & Rankings
Young Adult / Just Follow me chapter 2
Version 1
8 Reviews   0 Comments
Chapter 2 Blue eyes gently look down upon me and I jumped back. I turned my face away and dared not to look at him. I didn’t want him to see my tears or my face because the water could have washed away the make-up. He took my right hand in his and I felt how warmth softness of it. I couldn’t fight it anymore and my face shifted towards his. “Are you okay?” He said after a few moments. For so long I answered that question with, yes. I shocked myself when I answered with, “No.” “Hey! Don’t hide...
Ratings & Rankings
Young Adult / Just Follow Me
Version 1
4 Reviews   0 Comments
Just Follow Me Chapter 1 Reflecting from the mirror was the image of a teenage girl. Midnight black covered her sky blue eyes. Draped over the broad shoulders was frizzy, uncombed brown hair. Deep craters were embedded into her face masking the soft, pale, freckled skin. Red liquid flowed down from her cheek and gracefully her arm moved swiping it away. Deep grey slashes on her arms crafted words. Her eyes glanced to the reflection and her chapped lips uttered, “That girl’s me,” as if she did...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / What Did You Expect
i really dont get the secnod paragraph, just flat out say that the person is Amiee. at one point over 1/2 in you meantion your brothers question but we never know what the question is at least not at that point. wehn he sees the three people in the bar, you mention that they leave arm-in-arm, who was arm in arm? its unclear. i thought that the story was quite good and i was dying to know the ending the whole time. just really work on saying what you mean cause there are a few points that you ...
Poetry / Cancelled
Not only good but great rhyme scheme. in ur first stanza "That held me prisoner, tied and chaste" i don't think that "that" fits. i would replace it with "it" to me that seems to fit more. I think ur disclosed stanza was a little weak though. "You’re on the Need to Know" why?? that line i don't really understand. for this line "No need to ask why I’m aglow"...i would cahnge to "why would you care that im aglow." and the last line "Free from years of hot sorrow" i would put. "silence freed me ...
Poetry / You
oh....WOW! i really really loved the poem! the begining though it has poetic words and all to me doesn't really seem like poetry but the way that you wrote it just blew me away. Im not really that good at poetry reviewing but this is the best ive read. my suggestion would just be in ur structure. make each stanza the same # of lines it just makes it easier to read.
Short Story / Father/Son
in ur third paragraph..u have the line "I walked around the house looking for her, even though I somehow knew the moment I pulled the covers away from my body that she was gone. " this is like a few of your other ones, i like the description, but the writing is arkward. Change it to something like. I had walked around the house looking for her. Somehow once i pulled the covers away from my body, i knew she was gone. There also are a lot of run ons. Also watch ur tenses is it in the past or pr...
Young Adult / Untitled Chapt. 2
during the dialoge u put "Rachel nodded but became worried when Elliot told her he’d been in town for as long as he said he had." didn't get that line. otherwise (i have read the first section) this is a really good way to come off of it. I really like this keep working <3
Favorites
ITEMS (1)

 

People