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6 Reviews
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TOOL TIME It was one of those early fall mornings that business types envy. Shut in their geometrically perfect cubicles devoid of natural sights and light, they rap on laptops and peruse stock quotes as intently as I would calculate a dinner bill. I’m free from corporate obligations and answer to no one but taxpayers. Just the way I like it. The sun is low enough now to light one side of my face giving me an uneven B-movie tone. The cool on-shore breeze shakes the red amber leaves from thei...
Version 1
10 Reviews
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JEAN We call them loons, 5150’s, or flat tires. If you’re low on air but not quite flat, you’re a 5149 and a-half. Almost there. You’ll see them dancing down the center lanes of 101, talking to the moon, petting a tree. Get too close and they’ll slap your face. Let them talk and you’ll never get away. “You dialed 9-1-1?”, I asked through a crack in the door. “I did”, she said warily opening the door to reveal one side of her face. Clad in a faded pink nighty and black high tops, she beckoned ...
Version 1
10 Reviews
1 Comment
Yellow Stearman All alone early Christmas morning I found a dream. Bounding down the old wooden stairs two at a time well before dawn, I beat them all to the tree. I know what its like being bowled over by your brothers in a rush to open packages. There was this sense of timeless anticipation as I slid to a stop on the hardwood. My eyes widened, scanning every gift for shape, size and worth. There it was, hangared between unopened packages and half eaten cookies, yellow wings gleaming under t...
Version 1
10 Reviews
0 Comments
THE LZ Every city has one or two neatly tucked away in some nondescript corner quietly suffering. For the most part they’re out of view, away from our field of vision, out of earshot. But they’re out there. Look around, scan the faces, read the eyes, and you’ll surely find one. He seemed harmless enough, just another drunk living in a low rent hotel. I found him crouched against a disfigured box spring on a splintered floor surrounded by whatever he owned. It wasn’t much. The 70's style poste...
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I think you could probably eliminate 30% of this story and tighten it up. It would be interesting to hear Jane's dilema from her point of view.
I love the last line--The thunder is heard throughout the day, in absence of the storm.Some of the imagery was overdone, and I was hoping for an in depth anaylsis of the main character. Maybe you can add more, and delete some of the obvious innuendos.
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Well it's not a short story but more of an essay. Expand this if you can.
I like the concept of self-examination, examining ourselves as others see us. You did a good job with the transitions. As a critique I would have made the images a little more vivid, and added a little more dialogue. Good Job !
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