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forestofdenial84's profile
AGE:
24
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LAST LOGIN: April 04
I’m a college student majoring in English, minoring in Philosophy. I write poetry mostly. I don’t think I’ve ever finished a short story in my life. Everyone feel free to say whatever you want about my work. If you dislike it, tell me why, because I’m always open to improve myself. Not everyone can like my work and I understand that, so don’t be shy. Hurt my feelings, I like it.
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Hoofed feet on a One Dollar Bill. what could you represent if your face were pained pink and a smile, a smile that could last forever toothless engulfed in green. What could this animal mean? Private owned. Escaped the Capitalist dream only to represent the richer keeping the dough while the poor bake it We are suppose to make it Out of the trailer park and into suburbia: What did I hear you say? That this is what you sold us? The minimum wage junkies eating ravioli cold from the can. Who co...
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It feels more like a poem than a song. It's awesome though, I love the diction. It brings forth a feeling of the sublime, which is key to many great poets.
A comma here and there would be very helpful. Also us more colorful imagery and metaphors. It's a decent poem, it sounds as if it could be a song. I just feel that you are using too many words. Use strong verbs to replace phrases. This could be really great.
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