fortune57's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Modesto, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 05
LOC: Modesto, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: December 05
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Version 1
5 Reviews
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I am peaceful but dangerous I wonder what its like to hear a superior officer yelling commands I hear waves crashing upon the hulls of the fleet of battleships and carriers I see the endless world of blue I want to achieve the rank of commanding officer I am peaceful but dangerous I pretend not to be frightened I Feel the wind whipping through my hair aboard my carrier I touch a picture of my family remembering the last thing they said before i left I worry I may not come back alive I cry whe...
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Good work it has alot of nice imagery that really transports you to the setting.
This is great. You really appeall to the emotional side of the reader. The feeling of it really lets you in to how the writer feels emotionally and mentally. Theres probably many people who can relate to this. Good work, do more!
Good story, You really let the reader know how the character is feeling and the emotion of it all. Your characters are well rounded but could use alittle bit more detail. The plot is good it kinda tugs at the emotional side but the order of it needs a little re-adjustment. Just so things dont seemed just thrown together. But all an all it is great work keep it up you have some major talent. You have a keen eye for the way people feel use that to your advantage. I wanna read the rest its awsom...
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