fraiel's profile

fraiel avatar
AGE: 18
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 16

errm well i try to write poetry after failing to write song lyrics. I have a bad habbit of making every thing rhyme and it make most my poerty sound childish, i need to stop wihtteh rhyme.  i’m 16 nad live in Manchester, England

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Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
The only certainty there is They never mean what they stand for Always changing there position Just so they can stay cool Only in translation; are they lost? One can be water another a profanity Nothing happens with out them Everything is under there influence Thoughts, actions, meanings and all stuff Pulling the strings, the media is enslaved Only portraying the message they’re allowed History created controlled and censored by them What constitutes a revolution? The simplest, defeat great p...
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Poetry / Sonnet 13.0
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
A silver smile, Crimson lips, Mesmerising eyes, I wish she had. My baby aint a goddess Her fraying hair Covers her eyes Which stare through me. When she talks My ears ring Yet I’m not complaining She completes me, makes me whole I love her and her beautiful soul
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Poetry / These Times
Version 1
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The times have changed Yet everything stays the same Minorities have rights So they claim ASBO culture There aint no shame Vandalism and fear common place Where do we place the blame? Big Brother culture Everyone after a moment of fame Trying to get in a magazine “Look that’s my name” The media build them up An knock them down, it’s there game People have no time to Stop and look at the blue sky Work, work, work, party, sleep You say hi, 2mins later your saying bye bye Stopping in a high stre...
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Version 1
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Two star crossed lovers A Virgins delight It ends in tragedy On that fateful night A lovers kiss Societies fight They both believed It would be alright
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Poetry / Judas
Version 1
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Judas Judas, Judas. Why have you forsaken him? One act, the most tragic sin The unbearable pain Agonising torment Mocked and Misunderstood Judas, Judas. Why have you forsaken him? One act, the most tragic sin Still not one knows why? Still not one knows why? Judas, Judas. Why have you forsaken him? One act, the most tragic sin Hanging for all to see Immortalised Sacrificed to save Isaiah 53:5 Judas, Judas. Why have you forsaken him? One act, the most tragic sin Suicide the only option Luke 22...
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Reviews
Poetry / frugal bastard
Personaly i think the rhyme was good but i think it was a sad attemp at trying to make a meaningless point and its not that good, i think u should write some other type of poetry. this is due to teh fact it is supposed ot be funny but its not in anyway at all. however it does create a good image of a person who i can visulise and this is hard ot do wiht poetry so for thata say very well done. if this was actualy funny it would be amazing but its not so its only average but i tihnk it was a go...
thisis good i enjoyed the rhyme and flow of this work, very good keep on writing.
Lyrics / Smoke
i like this, it is good and deep. However i do think it would be better as a poem, as i read it slowly it become more of a pome than a song. if it was a poem i think it would have more chance at acheiving your goal. "What am I suppose to do Im lost and its because of you You say one thing and then another" this is so true and gives a lot of substance and allows readers to personalise wiht you and remember that feeling. this is good, keep up the good work.
i like it, there is a very vivid picture created and the lines seem to flow and role of the tounge very well, which is hard to do when not constantly rhyming. My fave line is "Heaven’s hands raging against a drum" it help visualise the emotion of the poem. I also agree i am not sure about the title but i am no good at titles so i carnt realy suggest one.
i think this is very good it basicaly shows the typical stereotype of differnt culture and religion. It has a nice tempo to it as you read it you seem to be dragged along at a pace which makes the poem make sence. It is very good keep it up.
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