Darling, you used an asterisk thingy like I suggested... and then you left out the footnote. What's up with that?!?? All asterisk thingies aside, HEE HEE! I _*love*_ this story. I may be a bit biased though, because 1. I love my PB and 2. I went to high school in Houston and still make frequent visits to be with family - it was never a favorite place to be. Please tell me you exaggerated this story. Pretty please. You need a me on your roadtrips, I'm thinking... I love to drive. The longest I...

While the tone comes off as pompous (arrogant even), I can't argue that your writing stinks because it doesn't. In fact, it's quite brilliant and lovely. Your well-organized structure keeps this rant from becoming a whirling dervish of thoughts so that the flow is a subtle transition from one distinct thought to the next. And then it circles around to end where you started... The ending is my favorite line, by the way. In fact, that sentence could stand on its own. My other favorite - P7, whe...

I think Pogopaws hit on most of the points I would've shared. I think I'd restructure the paragraph in which you introduce Drs. Bryant and Panderwall so that it reads like this: _Dr. Bryant, Three-handed Bridge's narrator, has no room for an old, drawling sissy in his sexual imagination, which is already crowded by fantasies of a perfect, masculine graduate assistant. An aging Scarlett in khakis, Dr. Percy Panderwall has other plans and knows what he wants: his best friend and bridge partner,...

GO get 'em, le tigre! I never thought I'd find myself thinking this, but I think you need MORE in this letter. Where's the mention of Cary Grant? I know Cary's only a tangential character in the series, but he adds flavor. This letter doesn't have the charisma and joie de vivre that your series has. And sugar, as much as it pains me to say this... I think this is the first time I've ever felt that something you've written could stand to have a little more oomph or personality. I don't expect ...

:) I have no criticisms on your structure. I get it... rhythm, flow, timing. I was criticized on this site for something I'd similarly written. I think it works. My friends who are writing professors think it works. My friends who are professional writers have no criticisms of this. I say this because you don't need to be discouraged by that sort of criticism. As for the content of the writing, I like the juxtaposition of a childhood element with a very adult element - it's playful. As a typi...

PB, this is some really great writing - especially tying your personal interest in this obscure topic to personal experience. I'm actually thinking I may forward this to a friend of mine who is gluten intolerant. My only hestitance - light mention of statistics (I love the Australia comparison!) or direct reference to studies... and she's a scientist. :) I have no doubt you've done your thorough and exhaustive research on this, but I'm sure she'll question your sources. That would be my only ...

Holy shit! You just told my story - in a tight, concise glimpse. Bravo, PB! I deleted my myspace profile for that very reason. Working in an addiction research clinic, believe me, the idea of doing serious research on social networking addiction, has been tossed. Its effects can be visceral.

Cute anecdote! And I love the ending - it's perfect. Thanks for sharing... A few suggestions - the story seems stripped to bare essentials. When storytelling, it's good to use adjectives, superlatives, adverbs to spice up the storytelling and give the reader some sensual details. Your story could use some more descriptors answer a few more questions for your readers, fill in the blanks... Also a few of the phrases were awkward, but I understood what you meant... so a few suggestions for impro...

As this stands, mystery and vagueness does not serve this bit of writing. As I read through this, I started to look for one stand out soundbite and I kept reading cliche after cliche. I want to know the story(/stories) behind what you've written because I think this has the potential of attention grabbing. You alluded to it with your tally of men. Of all this poem, writing of your pen in hand that's "ready to write a testimony" resonates as the most personalized statement and it's the one bit...