freespeak72's profile
AGE:
37
LOC: San Marcos, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 24
LOC: San Marcos, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: May 24
Gimme a quarter or I’ll touch you…
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FADE IN: INT. TOM'S HOUSE - NIGHT TOM ZAJAC, 30's, wearing WIRE RIM GLASSES, JEANS and a T-SHIRT, is sitting on a COUCH in his home. Next to him is seated ROB GRIFFON, 30'S, wearing a CASUAL SHIRT and SLACKS. They are watching the tail end of the evening news cast. Tom suddenly snaps his fingers as if just figuring something out and turns to Rob. TOM Have you ever gone snipe hunting? ROB Did you say snipe hunting? TOM Yes, snipe hunting. Have you ever gone? ROB What the hell is a snipe? TOM I...
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OK, I don't know how much you alredy know about script writing so don't take offense. First, if you don't have one, get a script writing program. Second, begin EVERY script with "FADE IN:" in the top left corner on a line all by its self. Second, when there is a LOT of description, break it down into no more than five or six sentence sized paragraphs. Every time you change location, that's a new scene heading. "INT. CHURCH - NIGHT" "EXT. CHURCH - NIGHT" And lastly, stir clear of camera direct...
Ok, you're going to hear this alot but here goes...First, double check your spelling mate...not only people speaking but in your descriptions...you're missing whole words in some places. More importantly though, NEVER use camera direction words. Smash cut/ cut to/ disolve to/ P.O.V./ stay away from any of that. ALways use the word WE instead of any TECK speak. "WE swing around" "He looks away but WE stay in the mirror". Stuff like that. It's good to know phrases like Smash Cut, but in SPEC sc...
This is what you claim it to be alright. Action movie. Couple quick notes though. Just because it's an action movie, they don't have speak cliche. What I mean is. In the opening approach to the Yacht. Have them talking about ANYTHING other than stealing or her ass. I would be way more interested if they were talking about, say, gas prices or Rayne's favorite iced tea flavor, or something YOU care about, then they get chased. Maybe even while still discussing something arbitrary. just a though...
The tech stuff first. If you don't have one, get a script writing program. (since Im a cheap bastard, I use Celtx, it works good as Final Draft and its free.) That will easily fix most of your mistakes. As for the story, I did not see that ending coming in a million years. My only advice really is to watch what your characters say a little closer. Meaning, Make their personalities stand out more cuz other than the blantant asshole, every one else seems interchangable. Also, go back over some ...
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