freeverse1786's profile

freeverse1786 avatar
AGE: 24
LOC: Patrick Afb, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 26

This is my first time doing something like this. I’ve had others review my poetry in the past but I felt the need to get broader audience input. I’ve been writing for some years now but I don’t claim to be a professional. So with that in mind if you have some kind of critism please elaborate on what ever caused you to comment. I’m open to constructive critism and if you see something that doesn’t flow let me know and i’ll revise it

myspace.com/belee85

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Dreams of me caressing your dark silk. Awakening in a sweat from passionate hot flashes. Rigid bumps chill my spine at the mere sight of you. Kerosene fuels my souls burning desires. Conscious decisions are made when I touch you. Honing my abilities I prepare for our first encounter. Occasional relapses occur returning me to graceful memories. Cancer is what I call you because you’ve infected my heart. Only time will tell If my dreams will become reality. Lead me into temptation and I will no...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Rebel
Version 2
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I am a rebel looking to rebel against a system that I deem to be broken. No longer do I wish to take orders from my shape shifting supervision. I'm in the midst of a mini rebellion against the same ones who hired me. To an certain extent I view myself as a sacrifical lamb for my cause. My foe is a proverbial juggernaut, but no one is invincible. I've placed my trepadations on the back burner. Releasing me of any inhibition of confronting idiotic double standards. Mine olive branch has been ex...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Rebel
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
I am a rebel looking to rebel against a system that I deemed to be broken. No longer do I wish to take orders from my shape shifting supervision. I’m busy working on my own mini rebellion within the ranks of the same individuals who look to persecute me. At times the thought of me being the sacrificial lamb for the cause seems worthy but only to an extent. No one is invincible even though the foe I prepare to engage is a proverbial juggernaut I steady the course. Fed up with the constant doub...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Testimony
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
No, Mommy please don’t go, I can’t explain it but you can’t leave, Please believe me it’s not safe to drive. That dream, it felt so real, I wanted to scream but my body lay still, As the undertaker’s assistant Mr. Mortis held me in his grasps. The time that elapsed as I watched the horrific crash, Has left me mentally whip lashed. I don’t know where to turn, My parents think that I’m crazy. Searching for a focal point I wait to be anointed, I feel almost as if I was appointed some kind of rol...
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / By Ur Side
Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
Excuse me miss your crying is only fueling that idiot’s ego. He constantly takes advantage of your kind spirit. Behind those brown eyes lies so much pain from giving and not receiving. Leaving you no reason to believe in a few good men. Just the thought of him has left a foul taste in your mouth. Your emotions blind you like the caged bird that sings. Longing to spread your wings you refrain. Afraid that nails that once held them down remain. Forever grounded in your mind you start your lockd...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Poetry / Beach
This was well written short poem. The descriptions were good and the last line brings it all in perspective.
Poetry / Neverending Poem
I like this a hell of a lot. I have a similar poem and I understand where you came from with this. Good job!
Non-fiction / Hunting Dinosaurs
I like your storyline as well as your character development. All the information flowed together so nice.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Legends of Old Karel
I can tell you spent a lot of time trying to go in depth with your imagery. I like the way you gradually allowed your characters to grow
I like this story a lot partially because i'm in the military. You captured the element of the military very well. The action scences were well done so good job.