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AGE:
101
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 11
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 11
Items
Version 1
29 Reviews
19 Comments
Marcus was the best mucus weaver in the village of Shrivenhell. Each morning, he'd put on the special and slightly feminine red smock that denoted his weaving prowess, and toddle off down the bitumised path leading to Mucusworld Fabrications. Today was Tuesday, an important day for mucus weavers, Marcus hummed a little tune to get himself in the mood and stretched his knobbly fingers a few times. Soon, the harvesters would arrive pulling wooden carts laden with gossamer mucus threads. Already...
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I thought this was fun. It goes along & you think, ok, this is a little naive and it all rhymes neatly in a predictable and prescriptive way, but the last line changes all of that, disturbs the regularity & it all becomes a little wicked & potentially lascivious.
Ugh, ok, lonely & disgust fuck it is - there's no joy here. Is the 'love hatching' actually love or just sex, physical closeness? A desire for love that manifests in inappropriate ways and places? This is really gross but beautifully written & so descriptive. I can see the whole thing & it's quite sad - fabulous at the same time. I love the way 'the groan and smash of the truck...' might echo the actions of the observed. This is great.
Well, I'm not sure exactly what sort of wooing you were looking at, but my mind was certainly on the sex route from the first few lines. I'm not sure that I was wooed as such, & again I'm not sure how I'd react to this if it were personally offered to me as a form of seduction...you're certainly heading down the right path though - good luck
wow, I love the rythm of the sea/water - it's easy at first, then becomes discordant, difficult - like being dumped by a wave, then descends into horror/drowning. I couldn't work out what the last line meant though... I thought this was a fabulous poem, a very difficult subject that's been brilliantly voiced in such a beautiful way - you've turned something horrible into a beautiful work of art.
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