fulmah's profile
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we might be hypotheses in hyperbolic broadcast across the medulla skeleton, cause unkempt kitchen sinks, topple bottles in the corner, wire evolution permanent; but we flex firmament and fight foreign limit without fail, in the factual: you demonstrate, propel behavior parallel. reflection is fundamental's metal.
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they were on again last night and okay you know it's like somebody died in stray shots shattered glass we paused because it comes to pass that all lives end then the television's turned off and flash of static fade to black emptiness loss cue the sun and the now in the passing of time and somehow rain evaporates to build in the atmosphere and clouds appear the cool down comes and pressure drops in rising winds thunderstorms begin and if people would pay attention they’d become aware blackouts...
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we kissed under concrete, beside aquamarine set, glass walls enclosing alive beyond, camera capturing ecstatic embrace and evident bond. we rose, helium based, our careless airborne bodies cruising lunar caliber, exchanging history above cloud point in flawless orbit. and you were so catalyst, eyes eclipsed black in midsummer sun, perfection an angelic tint embossed across your brow. and your starlit silhouette cast against the sky was visible to the naked eye… it wasn’t imagination: that fis...
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away goes the day-glo spiritual in the streetlight’s drone, the exodus fuels her ambulance eyes to waterfall while the duel of ebb and flow of dread unbalances, becomes mania, masses a repressed memory web. the moon wanes, Her chariot crashed, Her cyclops eye, closed, brings no comfort as the wet sky falls on asphalt alley (cold drops causing cooling), joints swell into arthritic weld as she tells herself, this foot forward… now this one. these witching hour apparitions evaporate in morning’s...
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a countdown came creeping across the apartment as a viscous ticking clock with alarm set to toll & pitching elbows on the coffee table, I watched the hands with silver fingernails flip another card. she howled, "fuck!" & flung her arms in the air & right then I was thinking, something’s happening & right then thunder assaulted the house & our ears right when she won: it was godlike proclamation, the heave of heavy vibration, fuck, & thunder left windows rattling, left me dumbfounded & figurin...
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I completely agree with the poster above, the scene that plays out in my head as I read this is wonderful. Very nice touch done with your imagery, as most of it adds depth to the Betty in a subtle way. The repetition works for me, the flow is smooth and not distracting, and overall I thought this a wonderful piece. I always try and leave some sort of suggestion, though, and the thing that caught me the most is the "like the lamb to the slaughter" line... the idea is right, just a little clich...
You had me with the first line... it really sets the hook in! I must admit, I'm a complete sucker for the prefix "helio" and relish in the fact that you've used it. I also liked the paradox in watercolors running, yet staying "within the lines" The only place I stumble was in the last two lines. The lines themselves are perfectly fine, they do bring out the emotion, I'd just perhaps put a break there or do something to force the reader to pause and give those two lines more space to breath.
The emotion is definitely charged in this one, and I have a soft spot for enjoying anything resembling break-up poetry (having written my fair share). My favorite thing about this piece, and something that most don't do to well that you do, is that you didn't focus on the thoughts and emotions too much and instead let the images capture the emotion. You didn't say "I miss you" or "I hate you" a million different times in a million different ways, and that's good. The little details are everyt...
Way to set the hook right off the bat... it lets us know we've got an interesting piece unfolding before us, and as it progresses you continue to deliver the goods. I thought your use of imagery especially clever, it kept with the oceanic theme but not in a cliche way. There were also several great momentum changes... "my battlefield" "my wallance race" and "until lagoon / I harpoon" shifted directions subtley but effectively, imo, and that last example was my favorite part of the piece. If I...
I agree with the other reviewers... excellent poem! Your imagery is simple and just flat out real, and is definitely where this poem truly shines, imo. The repetition of the locust sounds is perfect, lifting the other every-day type images up into a more ethereal plane... if you follow me :) I also want to applaud the rhythm in this one... it's uneven, it doesn't have punctuation, yet it flows beautifully... excellent work here!
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